Dears gopherettes, gophers, i have an important message to deliver to you.
The time is worrying, signals from our various intel channels are clear and strongly typed : recent climate changes are affecting our reproduction rate and impede our ability to undertake the challenges that our country is facing.
Becareful not to underestimate the scale of the risk. It is not because we are short legged that we do not face the risk of not being able to rise up again.
So at this time when the country may indulge in its daily goroutine and run to its own demise, firm action is required.
This is why I have decided to proclaim state emergency.
This was a tough decision to make, but on which I won't move a iota [*].
So this is a call to all receivers from all platforms : gopherettes, gophers, and french speaking gaufres, only the power of the func will allow us to see the end of the tunnel.
Under the auspices of our ministry of education the first tactical action will consists of a series of 5 workshops from 30th september til 4th october.
Naturally this is a temporary decision and I dearly hope I won't have to defer to more drastical actions.
Let us be strong, and not give up to panic. Let us unite our interfaces during this 5 forthcoming dates :
Your devoted president.
[*] : french idiom, meaning : to stick to your decision.