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\begin_body

\begin_layout Chapter

\emph on
Omake Files 4, Alternate Parallels
\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
LORD OF THE RATIONALITY
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Frodo glanced at all the faces, but they were not turned to him.
 All the Council sat with downcast eyes, as if in deep thought.
 A great dread fell on him, as if he was awaiting the pronouncement of some
 doom that he had long foreseen and vainly hoped might after all never be
 spoken.
 An overwhelming longing to rest and remain at peace by Bilbo's side in
 Rivendell filled all his heart.
 At last with an effort he spoke, and wondered to hear his own words, as
 if some other will was using his small voice.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“We cannot,” said Frodo.
 “We must not.
 Do you not see? It is exactly what the Enemy desires.
 All of this he has foreseen.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
The faces turned to him, puzzled the Dwarves and grave the Elves; sternness
 in the eyes of the Men; and so keen the gazes of Elrond and of Gandalf
 that Frodo almost could not withstand it.
 It was very hard, then, not to grasp the Ring in his hand, and harder still
 not to put it on, to face them as only Frodo.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Do you not question it?” Frodo said, thin like the wind his voice, and
 wavering like a breeze.
 “You have chosen, of all things, to send the Ring into Mordor; should you
 not wonder? How did it come to this? That we might, of all our choices,
 do that single thing our Enemy most desires? Perhaps the Cracks of Doom
 are already guarded, strongly enough to hold off Gandalf and Elrond and
 Glorfindel all together; or perhaps the Master of that place has cooled
 the lava there, set it to trap the Ring so that he may simply bring it
 out after it is thrown in…” A memory of awful clarity came over Frodo then,
 and a flash of black laughter, and the thought came to him that it was
 
\emph on
just
\emph default
 what the Enemy would do.
 Only the thought came to him so: 
\emph on
thus it would amuse me to do, if I meant to rule…
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
There were doubtful glances exchanged within the council; Glóin and Gimli
 and Boromir were now looking at the Elves more skeptically than before,
 like they had awoken out of a dream of words.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“The Enemy is very wise,” said Gandalf, “and weighs all things to a nicety
 in the scales of his malice.
 But the only measure that he knows is desire, desire for power; and so
 he judges all hearts.
 Into his heart the thought will not enter that any will refuse it, that
 having the Ring we may seek to destroy it 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“He 
\emph on
will
\emph default
 think of it!” cried Frodo.
 He struggled for words, trying to convey things that had once seemed perfect
 in his comprehension, and then faded like melting snow.
 “If the Enemy thought that all his foes were moved by desire for power
 alone 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

 he would guess wrongly, over and over, and the Maker of this Ring would
 
\emph on
see
\emph default
 that, he would 
\emph on
know
\emph default
 that somewhere he had made a mistake!” Frodo's hands stretched forth pleadingly.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Boromir stirred, and his voice was doubtful.
 “You speak fair of the Enemy,” said Boromir, “for one of his foes.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Frodo's mouth opened and shut in desperate bewilderment; for Frodo knew,
 he knew the Man was mad, but he could think of nothing to say.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Then Bilbo spoke, and his withered voice silenced the whole room, even Elrond
 who had been about to speak.
 “Frodo is right, I fear,” whispered the old hobbit.
 “I remember, I remember what it was like.
 To see with the Black Sight.
 I remember.
 The Enemy will think that we might not trust one another, that the weaker
 among us will propose to destroy the Ring so that the stronger may not
 have it.
 He knows that even one not truly good might still cry to destroy the Ring,
 to make a show of pretended goodness.
 And the Enemy will 
\emph on
not
\emph default
 think it impossible that such a decision be made by this council, for you
 see, he does not trust us to be wise.” A whispering chuckle rose from the
 ancient hobbit's throat.
 “And if he did 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

 why, he would 
\emph on
still
\emph default
 guard the Cracks of Doom.
 It would cost him little.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Now foreboding was on the faces even of the Elves, and the Wise; Elrond
 had frowned, and the sharp eyebrows of Gandalf furrowed.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Frodo gazed at them all, feeling a wildness come over him, a despair; and
 as his heart weakened a shadow came over his vision, a darkness and a wavering.
 From within the shadow Frodo saw Gandalf, and the wizard's strength was
 revealed as weakness, and his wisdom folly.
 For Frodo knew, as the Ring seemed to drag and weigh on his breast, that
 Gandalf had not thought at all of history and lore, when the wizard spoke
 of how the Enemy would not understand any desire save power; that Gandalf
 had not remembered how Sauron had cast down and corrupted the Men of Númenor
 in the days of their glory.
 Just as it had not occurred to Gandalf that the Enemy might learn to comprehend
 foes of goodwill by 
\emph on
looking…
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Frodo's gaze swung to Elrond, but there was no hope there, no answer and
 no rescue in the shadowy vision; for Elrond had let Isildur go, carrying
 the Ring from the Cracks of Doom where it should have been destroyed, to
 the cost of all this war.
 Not for Isildur's own sake, not for friendship had it been done, for the
 Ring had killed Isildur in the end, and far worse fates could have followed
 him.
 But the Doom that had stemmed from Isildur's deed would have seemed unsure
 to Elrond then, unsure and distant in time; and yet the cost to Elrond
 himself of taking his sword's pommel to the back of Isildur's head would
 have been surer, and nearer…
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
As though in desperation, Frodo turned to look at Aragorn, the weathered
 man who had donned his travel-worn clothes for this council, the heir of
 kings who spoke softly to hobbits.
 But Frodo's vision seemed to double, and in the shadowy second image Frodo
 saw a Man who had spent too much of his youth among Elves, who had learned
 to wear humble and stained clothes amid the gold and jewels, knowing he
 could not match them wisdom for wisdom, and hoping to outplay them in a
 fashion they would not emulate…
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
In the sight of the Ring, which was the sight of the Ring's own Maker, all
 noble things faded into stratagems and lies, a world of grey and darkness
 without any light.
 They had not made their choices knowingly, Gandalf or Elrond or Aragorn;
 the impulses had come from the dark hidden parts of themselves, the black
 secret depths which the Ring had rendered plain in Frodo's vision.
 Would they outthink the Shadow, when they could not comprehend even their
 own selves, or the forces that moved them?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Frodo!” came the sharp whisper of Bilbo's voice, and Frodo came to himself,
 and halted his hand reaching up toward where the Ring lay on his breast,
 on its chain, dragging like a vast stone around his neck.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Reaching up to grasp the Ring wherein all answers lay.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“How did you bear this thing?” Frodo whispered to Bilbo, as if the two of
 them were the only souls in the room, though all the Council watched them.
 “For years? I cannot imagine it.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“I kept it locked in a room to which only Gandalf had the key,” said his
 uncle, “and when I began to imagine ways to open it, I remembered Gollum.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
A shudder went through Frodo, remembering the tales.
 The horror of the Misty Mountains, thinking, always thinking in the dark;
 ruling the goblins from the shadows and filling the tunnels with traps;
 but for Bilbo wearing the ring that first time not a single dwarf would
 have lived.
 And now, Legolas the Elf had told them, Gollum had given up on sending
 his agents against the Shire, had at last found the courage to leave his
 mountains and seek the Ring himself.
 That was Gollum, the fate which Frodo would share himself, if the Ring
 were not destroyed.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Only they had no way to destroy the Ring.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
The Shadow had foreseen every move they could make.
 Had 
\emph on
almost
\emph default
 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

 Frodo still could not imagine how it had been done, how the Shadow had
 arranged such a thing 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

 had 
\emph on
almost
\emph default
 maneuvered the Council into sending the Ring straight into Mordor with
 only a tiny guard set on it, as they would have done if Frodo and Bilbo
 had not been there.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
And having foregone that swiftest of all possible defeats, the only question
 remaining was how long it would take to lose.
 Gandalf had delayed too long, delayed far too long to set this march in
 motion.
 It could have been so easy, if only Bilbo had set out eighty years earlier,
 if only Bilbo had been told what Gandalf had already suspected, if only
 Gandalf's heart had not silently flinched away from the prospect of being
 embarrassingly wrong…
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Frodo's hand spasmed on his breast; without thought, his fingers began to
 rise again toward the vast weight of the chain on which the Ring hung.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
All he had to do was put on the Ring.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Just that, and all would become clear to him, once more the slowness and
 mud would leave his thoughts, all possibilities and futures transparent
 to him, he would see through the Shadow's plans and devise an irresistible
 counterstroke 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

 and he would never be able to take off the Ring, not again, not by any
 will that would be left to him.
 All Frodo had of those moments were fading memories, but he knew that it
 had felt like dying, to let all his towers of thought collapse and become
 only Frodo once more.
 It had felt like dying, he remembered that much of Weathertop even if he
 remembered little else.
 And if he did wear the Ring again, it would be better to die with it on
 his finger, to end his life while he was still himself; for Frodo knew
 that he could not withstand the effects of wearing the Ring a second time,
 not afterward when the limitless clarity was lost to him…
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Frodo looked around the Council, at the poor lost leaderless Wise, and he
 knew they could not defeat the Shadow by their own strength.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“I will wear it one last time,” Frodo said, his voice broken and failing,
 as he had known from the beginning that he would say in the end, “one last
 time to find the answer for this Council, and then there will be other
 hobbits.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“
\emph on
No!
\emph default
” screamed the voice of Sam, as the other hobbit began to rush forward from
 where he had hidden; even as Frodo, with movement as swift and precise
 as a Nazgûl, took out the Ring from beneath his shirt; and somehow Bilbo
 was already standing there and had already thrust his finger through.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
It all happened before even Gandalf's staff could point, before Aragorn
 could level the hilt-shard of his sword; the Dwarves shouted in shock,
 and the Elves were dismayed.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Of course,” said Bilbo's voice, as Frodo began to weep, “I see it now,
 I understand everything at last.
 Listen, listen and swiftly, here is what you must do 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
With a critical eye, Peter looked over the encamped Centaurs with their
 bows, Beavers with their long daggers, and talking Bears with their chain-mail
 draped over them.
 He was in charge, because he was one of the mythical Sons of Adam and had
 declared himself High King of Narnia; but the truth was he didn't really
 know much about encampments, weapons, and guard patrols.
 In the end all he could see was that they all looked proud and confident,
 and Peter had to hope they were right about that; because if you couldn't
 believe in your own people, you couldn't believe in anyone.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“They'd scare 
\emph on
me
\emph default
, if I had to fight `em,” Peter said finally, “but I don't know if it's
 enough to beat… 
\emph on
her.
\emph default

\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“You don't suppose this mysterious lion will actually show up and help us,
 d'you?” said Lucy.
 Her voice was very quiet, so that none of the creatures around them would
 hear.
 “Only it'd be nice to really have him, don't you think, instead of just
 letting people think that he put us in charge?”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Susan shook her head, shaking the magical arrows in the quiver on her back.
 “If there was really someone like that,” Susan said, “he wouldn't have
 let the White Witch cover the land in winter for a hundred years, would
 he?”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“I had the strangest dream,” Lucy said, her voice even quieter, “where we
 didn't have to organize any creatures or convince them to fight, we just
 walked into this place and the lion was already here, with all the armies
 already mustered, and he went and rescued Edmund, and then we rode alongside
 him into this tremendous battle where he killed the White Witch…”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Did the dream have a moral?” said Peter.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“I don't know,” said Lucy, blinking and looking a little puzzled.
 “In the dream it all seemed pointless somehow.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“I think maybe the land of Narnia was trying to tell you,” said Susan, “or
 maybe it was just your own dreams trying to tell you, that if there was
 really such a person as that lion, there'd be no use for 
\emph on
us
\emph default
.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS SCIENCE
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Applejack, who told me outright that I was mistaken, represents the spirit
 of… 
\emph on
honesty!
\emph default
” Twilight Sparkle
\begin_inset Note Note
status collapsed

\begin_layout Plain Layout
The dusky pony (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset

 raised her head even higher, 
\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
her (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset

 mane blowing like a wind about the dusky
\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
night (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset

 sky of her 
\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
long (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset

 neck
\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
, her eyes blazing like stars (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset

.
 “Fluttershy, who approached the manticore to find out about the thorn in
 its paw, represents the spirit of… 
\emph on
investigation!
\emph default
 Pinkie Pie, who realized that the awful faces were just trees, represents
 the spirit of… 
\emph on
formulating alternative hypotheses!
\emph default
 Rarity, who solved the serpent's problem represents the spirit of… 
\emph on
creativity!
\emph default
 Rainbow Dash, who saw through the false offer of her heart's desire, represents
 the spirit of… 
\emph on
analysis!
\emph default
 Marie-Susan, who made us convince her that we were right
\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
of our theories (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset

 before she agreed to come on
\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
funded (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset

 our expedition, represents the spirit of… 
\emph on
peer review!
\emph default
 And when those Elements are ignited by the spark of curiosity that resides
 in the heart of all of us, it creates the seventh element -- the Element
 of Sci-”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
The blast of power that came forth was like a wind of moonless night
\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
brilliant lava (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset

, it caught Marie-Susan before the pony could even flinch, and she was gone
 without a trace
\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
stripped her flesh from her bones and crumbled her bones to ash (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset

 before any of them had the chance to rear in shock.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
From the dark thing that stood in the center of the dais where the Elements
 had shattered, from 
\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
the seething madness and despair surrounding (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset

 the scarce-recognizable void-black outline of a horse, came a voice that
 seemed to bypass all ears and burn like cold fire, sounding directly in
 the brain of every pony who heard:
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard

\emph on
Did you expect me to just stand there and let you finish?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
The screams began, then, echoing around that ancient and abandoned throne
 room; and Applejack fell to her forelocks beside the still-glowing ash
 that was all that remained of Marie-Susan's bones, looking too shattered
 even to sob.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Plain Layout
Twilight Sparkle stared at the horror that had once been Nightmare Moon,
 racking her brains with frantic desperation and realizing that it was over,
 they were doomed, it was hopeless without Marie-Susan; everyone knew that
 no matter how honest, investigating, skeptical, creative, analytic, or
 curious you were, what 
\emph on
really
\emph default
 made your work Science was when you published your results in a prestigious
 journal.
 Everyone knew that… (2014-09-30)
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Twilight Sparkle stared at the space where Marie-Susan had been, where not
 a trace of the unicorn remained.
 
\emph on
She -- she just -- she --
\emph default
 In the back of her mind, unheard, she was aware that Rarity was screaming.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard

\emph on
That wasn't a disintegration
\emph default
, said the voice of Nightmare.
 
\emph on
I sent her somewhere else.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Rarity's scream stopped abruptly.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Twilight Sparkle felt like her own scream was only beginning.
 Seven.
 It took seven ponies to use the Elements of Inquiry.
 Everyone knew that no matter how honest, investigating, skeptical, creative,
 analytic, or curious you were, what really made your work Science was when
 you published your results in a prestigious journal.
 Everyone knew that.
 Could there be more than one Element of Peer Review at a time -- how long
 would it take to find another one -- and the Nightmare wouldn't just stand
 there and let them do it
\begin_inset space ~
\end_inset

--
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

Where?
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset

 yelled Rainbow Dash.
 
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

Where'd you put her?
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard

\emph on
I put the little pony in the same place I bound my pathetic sister, in the
 heart of her pathetic Sun.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

She'll die!
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset

 cried Fluttershy, staring at the Nightmare in horror.
 
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

It's too hot, she'll burn!
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard

\emph on
Oh, don't worry.
 The power of the Nightmare surrounds your little friend, keeping her safe
 and cool, sustaining her without food or drink.
 She will suffer nothing more than boredom\SpecialChar \ldots{}

\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
The void-black outline stepped off the dais, walking slowly, deliberately,
 past the remaining six ponies.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard

\emph on
\SpecialChar \ldots{}
 so long as the Nightmare's power is not broken.
 By any backup plans my sister may have set in motion, for example, and
 which may be known to you.
 In that case she will vaporize instantly.
 Such a lovely thing, friendship.
 It makes such a wonderful instrument of blackmail.
 Be sure to keep safe the Elements of Inquiry.
 You wouldn't want anyone else using them on me, now would you?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

No,
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset

 whispered Twilight Sparkle, as the horror began to dawn on her.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Then a crawling sensation all over her skin, as the Nightmare walked past
 her, and the deadly power brushed her with its cold caress.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard

\emph on
Now if you'll pardon me, my little ponies, I have an eternal night to rule
 over.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
THE VILLAGE HIDDEN IN THE CLARITY
\begin_inset Foot
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
(This has now inspired an extended fanfiction, 
\emph on
Lighting Up the Dark
\emph default
 by Velorien.)
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Consider the computational power required to manifest over a hundred shadow
 clones,” the Uchiha genius said in his dispassionate tones.
 “It is an error of rationality, Sakura, to say `fluke' and think you have
 explained anything.
 `Fluke' is simply the name one gives to data that one is ignoring.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“But it 
\emph on
has
\emph default
 to be a fluke!” Sakura yelled.
 With effort, she calmed her voice into the careful precision expected of
 a rationality ninja; it wouldn't do to have her crush think she was stupid.
 “Like you said, the computational power required to use over a hundred
 Kage Bunshin is simply absurd.
 We're talking the level of a major superintelligence.
 Naruto's the dead last of our class.
 He's not even jounin-level smart, let alone a superintelligence!”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
The Uchiha's eyes gleamed, almost as though he had activated his Smartingan.
 “Naruto can manifest a hundred independently acting clones.
 He 
\emph on
must
\emph default
 have the raw brainpower.
 But, under ordinary circumstances, something prevents him from using this
 computational power efficiently… like a mind at war within itself, perhaps?
 We now have cause to believe that Naruto is in some way connected to a
 superintelligence, and as a recently graduated genin, he, like us, is fifteen
 years old.
 What happened fifteen years ago, Sakura?”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
It took a moment for Sakura to comprehend, to remember, and then she understood.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
The attack of the Nine-Brains Demon Fox.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Just a small bone-white creature with big ears and bigger tail and beady
 red eyes.
 It was no stronger than an ordinary fox, it didn't breathe fire or flash
 laser eyes, it possessed no chakra and no magic of any kind, but its intelligen
ce was over nine thousand times that of a human being.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Hundreds had been killed, half the buildings wrecked, almost the whole village
 of Beisugakure had been destroyed.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“You think the Kyubey is hiding inside Naruto?” Sakura said.
 A moment later, her brain automatically went on to fill in the obvious
 implications of the theory.
 “And the software conflict between their existences is why he acts like
 a gibbering idiot half the time, but can control a hundred Kage Bunshin.
 Huh.
 That makes… a lot of sense… actually…”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Sasuke gave her the brief, contemptuous nod of someone who had figured all
 this out on his own, without anyone else needing to prompt 
\emph on
him
\emph default
.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Ano…” said Sakura.
 Only years of sanity exercises channeled her complete screaming panic into
 pragmatically useful policy options.
 “Shouldn't we… 
\emph on
tell
\emph default
 someone about this? Like, sometime in the next five seconds?”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“The adults already know,” Sasuke said emotionlessly.
 “It is the obvious explanation for their treatment of Naruto.
 No, the real question is how this fits into the outwitting of the Uchiha…”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“I don't see how it fits at all 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

” began Sakura.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“It 
\emph on
must
\emph default
 fit!” A tinge of frantic emotion flickered in Sasuke's voice.
 “I asked that man 
\emph on
why
\emph default
 he did it, and he told me that when I knew the answer to that, it would
 explain 
\emph on
everything!
\emph default
 Surely 
\emph on
this
\emph default
 must also be part of what is to be explained!”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Sakura sighed to herself.
 Her personal hypothesis was that Itachi had just been trying to drive his
 brother into clinical paranoia.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Yo, kids,” said the voice of their rationality sensei from their radio
 earpieces.
 “There's a village in Wave trying to build a bridge, and it keeps falling
 down for no reason anyone can figure out.
 Meet up at the gates at noon.
 It's time for your first C-ranked analysis mission.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
ERDŐS IN CHAINS
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“How could you do it, Anita?” said Richard, his voice very tight.
 “How could you coauthor a paper with Jean-Claude? You 
\emph on
study
\emph default
 the undead, you don't collaborate with them on papers!”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“And what about you?” I spat.
 “You coauthored a paper with Sylvie! It's all right for 
\emph on
you
\emph default
 to be prolific but not 
\emph on
me?
\emph default
”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“I'm the 
\emph on
head of her institute
\emph default
,” Richard growled.
 I could feel the waves of science radiating off him; he was angry.
 “I 
\emph on
have
\emph default
 to work with Sylvie, it doesn't mean anything! I thought our own research
 was special, Anita!”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“It 
\emph on
is,
\emph default

\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset

 I said, feeling helpless about my inability to explain things to Richard.
 He didn't understand the thrill of being a polymath, the new worlds that
 were opening up to me.
 “I didn't share 
\emph on
our
\emph default
 research with anyone 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“But you wanted to,” said Richard.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
I didn't say anything, but I knew that the look on my face said it all.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“God, Anita, you've changed,” said Richard.
 He seemed to slump in on himself.
 “Do you realize that the monsters are joking about Blake numbers, now?
 I used to be your partner in everything, and now 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

 I'm just another werewolf with a Blake number of 1.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
THUNDERSMARTS
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“I am 
\emph on
sick
\emph default
 of this!” shouted Liono.
 “Sick of doing this 
\emph on
every single week!
\emph default
 Our species was capable of 
\emph on
interstellar travel
\emph default
, Panthro, I 
\emph on
know
\emph default
 the quantities of energy involved! There is no 
\emph on
way
\emph default
 you can't build a nuke or steer an asteroid or 
\emph on
somehow
\emph default
 blow up that ever-living idiot's pyramid!”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF RATIONALITY
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Fabulous secret knowledge was revealed to me on the day I held aloft my
 magic book and said: 
\emph on
By the power of Bayes's Theorem!
\emph default
”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
FATE/SANE NIGHT
\end_layout

\begin_layout Verse

\emph on
I am the core of my thoughts
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

Belief is my body
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

And choice is my blood
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

I have revised over a thousand judgments
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

Unafraid of loss
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

Nor aware of gain
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

Have withstood pain to update many times
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

Waiting for truth's arrival.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

This is the one uncertain path.
\emph default

\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset


\emph on
My whole life has been…
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

Unlimited Bayes Works!
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
THE NAME OF THE RATIONALITY
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
The eleven-year-old boy who would someday become legend 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

 slayer of dragons, killer of kings 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

 had but one thought upon his mind, as he approached the Sorting Hat to
 enter into the study of mysteries.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard

\emph on
Anywhere but Ravenclaw anywhere but Ravenclaw oh please anywhere but Ravenclaw…
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
But no sooner the brim of the ancient felted device slipped over his forehead
 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“RAVENCLAW!”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
As the table decked in blue began to applaud him, as he approached the dread
 table where he would spend the next seven years, Kvothe was already wincing
 inside, waiting for the inevitable; and the inevitable happened almost
 at once, exactly as he had feared it, before he'd even had a chance to
 sit down properly.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“So!” an older boy said with the happy expression of someone who's thought
 of something terribly clever.
 “Kvothe the Raven, huh?”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
TENGEN TOPPA GURREN RATIONALITY 40K
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
I have a truly marvelous story for this crossover which this margin is too
 narrow to contain.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
UTILITARIAN TWILIGHT
\begin_inset Foot
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
Written after I heard Alicorn was writing a Twilight fanfic, but before
 I read 
\emph on
Luminosity
\emph default
.
 It's obvious if you're one of us.
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Edward,” said Isabella tenderly.
 She reached up a hand and stroked his cold, sparkling cheek.
 “You don't have to protect me from anything.
 I've listed out all the upsides and all the downsides, assigned them consistent
 relative weights, and it's just really obvious that the benefits of becoming
 a vampire outweigh the drawbacks.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Bella,” Edward said, and swallowed desperately.
 “Bella 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset

”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Immortality.
 Perfect health.
 Awakening psychic powers.
 Easy enough to survive on animal blood once you do it.
 Even the beauty, Edward, there are people who would give their lives to
 be pretty, and don't you dare call them shallow until you've tried being
 ugly.
 Do you think I'm scared of the word `vampire'? I'm tired of your arbitrary
 deontological constraints, Edward.
 The whole human species ought to be in on your fun, and people are dying
 by the thousands even as you hesitate.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
The gun in his lover's hand was cold against his forehead.
 It wouldn't kill him, but it would disable him for long enough 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
JASMINE AND THE LAMP
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Aladdin's face was wistful, but determined, as the newly minted street urchin
 addressed the blue being of cosmic power for one last time, prepared to
 leave behind the wealth and hope he had so briefly tasted for the sake
 of his friend.
 
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

Genie, I make my third wish.
 I wish for you to be
\begin_inset space ~
\end_inset

--
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Princess Jasmine, who had been staring at this with her mouth open, not
 quite believing what she was seeing, just barely managed to overcome her
 paralysis and yank the lamp out of the boy's hand before he could finish
 the fatal sentence.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

Excuse me,
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset

 said Jasmine.
 
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

Aladdin, my darling, you're cute but you're an idiot, do you know that?
 Did you not notice how once Jafar got his hands on this lamp, he got his
 own three wishes -- oh, never mind.
 Genie, I wish for everyone to always be young and healthy, I wish nobody
 ever had to die if they didn't want to, and I wish for everyone's intelligence
 to gradually increase at a rate of 1 
\noun on
iq
\noun default
 point per year.
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset

 She tossed the lamp back to Aladdin.
 
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

Go back to what you were doing.
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
RATIONALIST HAMLET
\begin_inset Foot
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

\shape italic
\emph on
Contributed by
\emph default
 Histocrat
\shape default
 on LiveJournal, post 13389, aka 
\shape italic
HonoreDB
\shape default
 on LessWrong, reposted with permission.
 HonoreDB has now extended this to a complete ebook entitled 
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset


\emph on
A Will Most Incorrect to Heaven: The Tragedy of Prince Hamlet and the Philosophe
r's Stone
\emph default

\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset

 available for $3 at 
\family typewriter
makefoil.com
\family default
.
 yes, really.
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Interloper, abandon this strange prank,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 which makes cruel use of the blindness of my grief,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 and the good heart of my good friend Horatio.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Or else, if thou hast true title to this belov'd form,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 tell me:
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 What drawing did I present to Hamlet King,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 when six years old and scarce out of my sling?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 `twas a unicorn clad all in mail.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 What.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Mark me.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Father, I will.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 My hour is almost come,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 When I to sulphurous and tormenting flames
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Must render up myself.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Thou art in torment?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Ay, as are all who die unshriven.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Like every Dane this is what I've been taught.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Yet I did figure such caprice ill-suited to almighty God.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 For all who suffer unlook'd for deaths, unattended by God's chosen priests,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 to be then punish'd for the ill-ordering of the world…
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 `twas not the world that killed me, nor accident of any kind.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 What?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 If thou didst ever thy dear father love,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Oh God.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 My time grows ever shorter.
 Wilt thou hear the tale?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 No.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 What?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 My love for you does call me to avenge your death,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 but greater crimes have I heard told this night.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 If all those murdered go to Hell, and others as well,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 who would have confess'd had they the time,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 If people who are, in balance, good, suffer grisly
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 at the hands of God, then I defy God's plan.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Good Ghost, as one who dwells beyond the veil,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 you know things that we mortals scarce conceive.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Tell me: is there some philter or device,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 outside nature's ken but not outside her means,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 by which death itself may be escap'd?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 You seek to evade Hell?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 I seek to deny Hell to everyone!
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 and Heaven too, for I suspect the Heaven of our mad God
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 might be a paltry thing, next to the Heaven I will make of Earth,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 when I am its immortal king.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 I care not for these things.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Death and hell have stripp'd away all of my desires,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 save for revenge upon my murderer.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Thou shalt not be avenged, save that thou swear:
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 an I slay thine killer, so wilt thou vouchsafe to me the means
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 by which I might slay death.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
He who killed you will join you in the Pit,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 and then that's it.
 No further swelling of Hell's ranks will I permit.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Done.
 When my brother is slain, he who poured the poison in my ear,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 then will I pour in yours the precious truth:
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 the making of the Philosopher's Stone.
 With this Stone, thou may'st procure
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 a philter to render any man immune to death, and more transmute
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 base metal to gold, to fund the provision of this philter to all mankind.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Truly there is nothing beyond the dreaming of philosophy.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Wait.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 The man whom I must kill-my uncle the king?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Ghost
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Ay, that incestuous, that adulterate beast,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 With witchcraft of his wit, with traitorous gifts-
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
HAMLET
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Indeed, he has such gifts I near despair,
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 of killing him and yet succeeding to his throne.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 `twill be an awesome fight for awesome stakes.
\begin_inset Newline newline
\end_inset

 Hast thou advice?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard

\emph on
A cock crows.
 Exit Ghost.
\begin_inset Foot
status collapsed

\begin_layout Plain Layout
HonoreDB has now extended this to a complete ebook entitled “A Will Most
 Incorrect to Heaven: The Tragedy of Prince Hamlet and the Philosopher's
 Stone” available for $3 at makefoil dot com.
 Yes, really.
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
MOBY DICK AND THE METHODS OF RATIONALITY
\begin_inset Foot
status collapsed

\begin_layout Plain Layout
As related by 
\shape italic
Eneasz
\shape default
 on LessWrong.
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
“Revenge?” said the peg-legged man.
 “On a 
\emph on
whale?
\emph default
 No, I decided I'd just get on with my life.”
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
ALICE IN THE LAND WHERE THINGS ARE EVEN CRAZIER THAN HERE
\begin_inset Foot
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
As first written by 
\emph on
braindoll
\emph default
 in a review of this chapter, with some further edits.
\end_layout

\end_inset


\begin_inset Note Note
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout
Added by EY on October 1st, 2013
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Alice was sitting by her sister on the bank, reading a book.
 She had several friends who were older, and if she just asked nicely, they
 were often happy to lend her books without 
\emph on
quite
\emph default
 so many pictures and conversations as was thought appropriate for a girl
 her age.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
Hot days often made her feel sleepy and stupid, so Alice had thoughtfully
 wet a handkerchief and placed it at the back of her neck.
 Still her mind had gone off wandering (just as if it was some little kitten
 whose owner had taken off her eyes for just a moment), and she had just
 decided that the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth around
 4/3 of the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, which was nonetheless
 not equal to the opportunity cost of putting down her book, when suddenly
 a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor, in fact, did Alice think
 it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset

 But when the Rabbit actually took 
\emph on
a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket
\emph default
, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice froze in sudden clarity and
 fear, for she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket,
 or a watch to take out of it.
 
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

Oh bother,
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset

 she said to herself (though not aloud; she had long since cured herself
 of that habit, as it made people take her even less seriously than they
 already did).
 
\begin_inset Quotes eld
\end_inset

If I did not immediately recognize how much curiouser that was than the
 average rabbit, then something is interfering with my curiosity, and that
 is most curious of all.
\begin_inset Quotes erd
\end_inset

 So, burning with questions, she ran across the field after it, and was
 just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Quote
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename fleur.png
	scale 50

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Section*
WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
\begin_inset Foot
status collapsed

\begin_layout Plain Layout
Thanks to 
\shape italic
dsummerstay
\shape default
 for reminding me to post this one.
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
MORPHEUS: For the longest time, I wouldn't believe it.
 But then I saw the fields with my own eyes, watched them liquefy the dead
 so they could be fed intravenously to the living 
\begin_inset ERT
status open

\begin_layout Plain Layout

--
\end_layout

\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
NEO 
\emph on
(politely)
\emph default
: Excuse me, please.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
MORPHEUS: Yes, Neo?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
NEO: I've kept quiet for as long as I could, but I feel a certain need to
 speak up at this point.
 The human body is the most inefficient source of energy you could possibly
 imagine.
 The efficiency of a power plant at converting thermal energy into electricity
 
\emph on
decreases
\emph default
 as you run the turbines at lower temperatures.
 If you had any sort of food humans could eat, it would be more efficient
 to burn it in a furnace than feed it to humans.
 And now you're telling me that their food is 
\emph on
the bodies of the dead, fed to the living?
\emph default
 Haven't you ever heard of the laws of thermodynamics?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
MORPHEUS: Where did 
\emph on
you
\emph default
 hear about the laws of thermodynamics, Neo?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
NEO: Anyone who's made it past one science class in high school ought to
 know about the laws of thermodynamics!
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
MORPHEUS: Where did you go to high school, Neo?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
(Pause.)
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
NEO: …in the Matrix.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
MORPHEUS: The machines tell elegant lies.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
(Pause.)
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
NEO 
\emph on
(in a small voice)
\emph default
: Could I please have a real physics textbook?
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
MORPHEUS: There is no such thing, Neo.
 The universe doesn't run on math.
\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
\begin_inset VSpace bigskip
\end_inset


\end_layout

\begin_layout Standard
\align center
\begin_inset Graphics
	filename tailpiece15.png

\end_inset


\end_layout

\end_body
\end_document