Watch the first episode of "Midnight Gospel" on Netflix
Watch the movie "Limitless"
Explore it. These feelings and emotions come from somewhere, and the stronger you push against them or try to control your thoughts the more difficult and frustrated you will become. just remember that "this too shall pass", relent to time, and just go along with and explore these feelings as an opportunity to better examine yourself from the inside out.
Emotions have no mad or weight. they come and go. they are not good or evil they are simply responses to stimuli.