quotes.json

[{"quote":"Bite my shiny metal ass.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"...at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now strip naked and get on the probulator.","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"...it's what seperates humans and robots from animals and animal robots.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Everybody's a jerk: you, me, this jerk.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Of all the friends I've had, you're the first.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"I hate the people that love me, and they hate me.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Me too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions.","who":"Calculon"},{"quote":"You call that an antenna?","who":"URL"},{"quote":"...each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight, followed by a light dinner.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"A grim day for robot-kind. But we can always build more killbots.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Now, now, there will be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"I'm gonna drink 'til I reboot.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"What kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word labor.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"I'm a fraud. A poor, lazy, sexy fraud.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"You remind me of a young me. Not much younger mind you; perhaps even a couple of years older.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very sexy manure.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"We'll simply plot a new course for that empty region over there; near that black-ish, hole-ish thing.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"And I'd do it again, and perhaps a third time. But that would be it.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Don't talk like that; tragic romances always have a happy ending.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Not everyone turns out like their parents. Look at me: my parents were honest, hard-working people.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"You will practice making your bed until you can do it in your sleep.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"When I'm in command every mission is a suicide mission.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"The auxiliary power's out and they spilled my cocktail.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees per day for five days unless...","who":"Lurr"},{"quote":"You may feel a slight stinging sensation ...all of you.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"Just make a simple cake. And this time, if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in *after* you cook it.","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"This'll teach those filthy bastards who's lovable!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Yes, if by 'allow' you mean 'force'.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Bender: 1, Toilet: 0.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Wow, there's a million aliens! I've never seen something so mind-blowing! Ooh, a reception table with muffins!","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"One day a man has everything, the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station, and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"Come, Kif, it's time for us to start our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier!","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"Here's to us schmoes, working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"They're not very heavy, but you don't hear me not complaining.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Let fly the white flag of war.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"If I was registered to vote I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on Election Day and dressing like a clown.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"The underprivileged get all the breaks.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"I'm finally richer than those snooty ATM machines.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Compare your lives to mine and kill yourselves.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Bodies are for hookers and fat people.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a SuperSoaker of fine cognac.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"You must be using an archaic form of pronunciation, like saying 'ask' instead of 'axe'.","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"Yes, I got the most! I win X-Mas!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"X-Mas eve, another pointless day where I accomplished nothing. Ah...","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering!","who":"Morbo"},{"quote":"Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies... and there would have to be a lot of them.","who":"Linda the Reporter"},{"quote":"Alright, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Finally, I look as pretty as I feel!","who":"Dr. Zoidberg"},{"quote":"Oh dear! They'll be killed on our doorstep... and there's no trash pickup until January 3rd.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have a have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"He's no different from the rest of you organisms, shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"He's a loser; he's the lobster equivalent of Fry.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Actually, she wasn't really my girlfriend, she just lived nextdoor and never closed her curtains.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"No one drove in New York. There was too much traffic.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"I'm just glad we hit something, I thought we'd never stop!","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"If you kill anyone make sure to eat their heart; to gain their courage. Their rich, tasty courage. Yum yum.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now.","who":"Hermes"},{"quote":"It's funny because it's poisonous!","who":"Dr. Zoidberg"},{"quote":"He's bad news. I regret ever running him over.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"I may be against the fur industry, but that won't keep me from skinning you alive; as long as no one wears the skin.","who":"Bob Barker"},{"quote":"I am shocked! Shocked! Well, not that shocked.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"You, sir, have defaced a natural treasure! I insist you restore my buttocks to their former glory.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Computer dating: it's just like pimping except you rarely have to use the term 'upside your head'.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Now, my usual fee is $500. But seeing as how its you, I'll need it all in advance.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"She is well-traveled, and I don't mean she travels a lot.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"If I ever feel lonely, I'll just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.","who":"Amy"},{"quote":"I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling; but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"It's one thing to win a fixed fight; there's dignity in that. But to lose!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"After all this time, someone else who has one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a bb gun.","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark: oooh, suddenly you've gone too far!","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps; so here's the professor's oldest friend: a grotesque, stinking lobster!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"After fourteen years of graduate school Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars, trendy nightspots, beautiful women... the professor designed them all, working out of his tiny one-room apartment.","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"Everyone, I have a dramatic announcement. Anyone with a weak heart should leave. Goodbye.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"I'm sure Bender has just made some cunning remark, but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"I'm as spry as a 140 year old. See? I only broke one ankle.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"...Martini-drinking contest with the auto-pilot. I would have won, except we ran out of olives.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Everything that is Bender is right here: his mind, his memories, his in-your-face interface.","who":"Morgan Proctor"},{"quote":"There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming. So I had to hit her with this purse I found.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Arrr! The laws of science be a harsh mistress.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"This is the best nanosecond of my life! No this one is! No this one!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.","who":"Dr. Zoidberg"},{"quote":"I want you to find him and plug him. Then, unplug him.","who":"Don-Bot"},{"quote":"Your dear old Mother won't be around forever and just once before I die I'd like to be Supreme Overlord of Earth.","who":"Mom"},{"quote":"Hey hey! Ho ho! One zero zero one one zero!","who":"Robot Mob"},{"quote":"In my time we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes, we just used a washing machine!","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"...we could use my new invention: a pointy rock on a stick!","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"...and if that doesn't work I got you a six-pack of champagne and a funnel.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"They're like sex, except I'm having it.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Great is OK, but amazing would be GREAT!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Yes! I'm going to be rich! You are too, but it's hard to get excited about that.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"We will begin with the firemen and the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.","who":"Lurr"},{"quote":"I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Put 'er there, pal! ...I meant your wallet.","who":"Giant Bender"},{"quote":"I came here with the simple dream... a dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who's the real 700 billion ton monster here? Not I... Not I...","who":"Giant Bender"},{"quote":"I can be impulsive... it just takes me a while.","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"Blackmail's such an ugly word. I prefer extortion; the \"x\" makes it sound cool.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"That question was less stupid, though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"Men, you are lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"Whoa, check out that guy! He makes Speedy Gonzalez look like Regular Gonzalez!","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"He edged out my old mark by 2 seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"That young man fills me with hope ...and some other emotions that are weird and deeply confusing.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"If they put me on a stamp... tell them to use the young Bender.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Scalpel... blood bucket... priest. Next patient!","who":"Dr. Zoidberg"},{"quote":"I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"You'll be negotiating with the mysterious brain-balls. They've got a lot of brains and a lot of... chutzpah.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"At last, war has made me into a man. Weeeeee!","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Hmm, words I never say... Oh, I know: \"Thanks\"!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Bender, you look awful. I recommend makeup.","who":"Dr. Zoidberg"},{"quote":"Robot porno theatre! I was in that... general... vicinity.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"I can't afford to keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"You're a thousand years old?! Your bio says you're 27!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"I was all of history's greatest acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny!","who":"Calculon"},{"quote":"You didn't hurt me, but you wanted to. That's the important thing.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"That probulator really knows how to please a man.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"And with Fry gone, I'm free to leave my jigsaw puzzle pieces out without him eating them.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"Alright, alright. If it'll make you happy I'll overthrow society.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"No fair! You changed the results by measuring it!","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"Life is hilariously cruel.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"What's wrong? Did you swallow another cell phone?","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"It's not uncharted, you lost the chart!","who":"Kif"},{"quote":"Oh God, you're killing me. OH GOD YOU'RE KILLING ME!","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the best.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"I always knew I'd die at the bottom of a pit, but a pit full of tar?","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"It's toe-tappingly tragic!","who":"Dr. Zoidberg"},{"quote":"Bender's my friend; we can't just dump him in the sewer like Grandma's ashes.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Kudos, Bender! You got mangled and became a singer. Both our dreams came true.","who":"Hermes"},{"quote":"Oh crap! It's a miracle!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Those aren't swan-boats, they're swans.","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"Just a few... more... hundred... thousand... miles. There.","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"I guess I could part with one doomsday device and still be feared.","who":"Professor Farnsworth"},{"quote":"It's funny, you live in the universe but you never do these things until someone comes to visit.","who":"Dr. Zoidberg"},{"quote":"Now you know why I used the qualifier 'practically'.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Now that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"You know the worst part about being a slave? They make you work but they don't pay you or let you go.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Now we're slaving!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"The cruelty of the old pharoah is a thing of the past! Let a whole new wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land!","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"People said I was dumb, but I proved them!","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"You say that those brains are making everyone on Earth stupid. Oh... stupider.","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"Why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass?","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"I think cosmetic surgery is great! I used to be too cute, but then I had cuteness reduction surgery *here* and *here*.","who":"Amy"},{"quote":"Don't be such a a chicken, Kif! Teenagers all smoke and they seem pretty on the ball.","who":"Zapp Brannigan"},{"quote":"I'm not a robot! I don't like having discs crammed into me; unless they're Oreos. And then, only in the mouth.","who":"Fry"},{"quote":"Is this angry yelling or busted hearing aid yelling?","who":"Dr. Zoidberg"},{"quote":"If you want children beaten, you've got to do it yourself.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"That's so plausible I can't believe it!","who":"Leela"},{"quote":"Robots don't have any emotions and sometimes that makes me very sad.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"You bastard! They treated me like an animal and that's what I became! ...Nah I'm just kidding, good to see ya buddy!","who":"Flexo"},{"quote":"I personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy: you're cute, so I baked you a pony.","who":"Bender"},{"quote":"Oh my god. I'm so excited I wish I could wet my pants!","who":"Bender"}]