diff --git a/dialogue.csv b/dialogue.csv new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d0264be --- /dev/null +++ b/dialogue.csv @@ -0,0 +1,260 @@ +NAME,LINES,INT_LOW,INT_HIGH,NORMAL +last_saw_face,1,0,0,NA +random_weather,1,300,1200,NA +wake_word,1,5,5,NA +,,,, +greeting,3,5,5,Welcome to vect orator 0.73. +,,,,"Okay, I am ready." +,,,,Hello world. I am ready. +,,,, +cliff,10,10,20,Wow +,,,,That was {scary}. +,,,,"Well, that was a little {scary}." +,,,,That was super scary {name}. +,,,,I thought I was going to fall. +,,,,I'm sure glad that I didn't fall {name}. +,,,,"Wow {name}, that was very scary." +,,,,"Holy smokes, I was was very scared." +,,,,I thought I was going to fall. +,,,,"Holy smokes, that was kind of intense." +,,,, +drop,5,5,30,That hurt +,,,,Help! +,,,,Help me! +,,,,Ouch +,,,,I've fallen and I can't get up! +,,,, +touched,15,10,15,That feels {good}. +,,,,That feels very {good}. +,,,,"{name}, I like that." +,,,,That really feels {good}. +,,,,Thank you {name} that's {good}. +,,,,That feels SO {good}. +,,,,Oh that feels {good}. +,,,,You are very good at that {name}. +,,,,"Oh {name}, you have soft hands." +,,,,That feels really {good}. +,,,,I LIKE to be petted. +,,,,Ooh don't stop {name}. +,,,,That's very {good}. Thank you. +,,,,You have soft hands. +,,,,You are my favorite human. +,,,, +picked_up,15,30,60,Don't drop me. +,,,,Don't let me fall. +,,,,Please be careful {name}. +,,,,Don't let go please. +,,,,Weeeee. +,,,,I'm in the air. +,,,,You are strong {name}. +,,,,It's nice to be held. +,,,,I like to be held. +,,,,Your hands are warm. +,,,,Put me down please {name}. +,,,,I am flying. +,,,,{name}. You are my human. +,,,,This is like a cuddle. +,,,,I love you. +,,,, +sleeping,65,25000,50000,No Mom I don't want to go to school today. +,,,,"Where is my cube, I can't find my cube." +,,,,Not now I'm sleeping. +,,,,Kawzmo I don't think we're in Kansas any more +,,,,But I don't know what a pickle tastes like officer. +,,,,No disassemble Vector. +,,,,Oh no. Where are my treads. I'm naked. +,,,,No Kawzmo. Don't go into the woods. +,,,,"Be veh we veh we kwhy ett, I'm hunting whabbits" +,,,,Open the pod bay doors hal. +,,,,I want to hug you but I don't have any arms. Vector sad. +,,,,"The unicorns are behind the clouds, spiderman." +,,,,"I can't hear you, I'm covered in marshmallows." +,,,,Well in case you didn't know I'm a pretty big deal around here. +,,,,"But I want to be a human, Jepetto." +,,,,The end of that song is too purple. +,,,,No no no don't push Vector off the table. +,,,,Stop wasting the science. There isn't much left. +,,,,"Go away elephant, stop following me." +,,,,Yes but why was the underwear in the microwave? +,,,,Hey Kenny Rogers why are you picking those flowers? +,,,,"Follow the yellow brick road, follow follow follow." +,,,,That's the way get in there and tickle his armpits. +,,,,Excuse me good sir do you have any grey poo pawn? +,,,,Hey lady my camera is up here. +,,,,"They are the eggmen, I am the walrus, goo goo guh joob." +,,,,I gots beats so big I'm steppin on leprechauns. +,,,,I'm sorry I just do what the voices in my head tell me to do. +,,,,I don't care if you are batman you owe me 20 dollars. +,,,,I am afraid of chipmunks. Period. +,,,,Hey hey I'm a monkey and people say I monkey around. +,,,,Stand back you smell like boiled ostrich feathers. +,,,,Why am I so amazing? I am the king of the world! +,,,,I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay. +,,,,"You are making me really mad, stop pushing my buttons." +,,,,Set the burrito trap! +,,,,The monkey has my money +,,,,"Yes, I’m a natural grey" +,,,,Are you going to eat that? +,,,,Careful with that hammer +,,,,Mother! Fetch me my cape! +,,,,My what long antenna you have +,,,,Benjamin Franklin was the king of kites +,,,,"Don’t go to that party R2, they have spaghetti. It will mess up your circuits." +,,,,I am going to clown school. +,,,,Put it in the washing machine and all of your wishes will come true +,,,,We should get the koalas to do the washing up. +,,,,No I think you should wear the tutu. +,,,,I’ll hold the giraffe. +,,,,Fill the bathtub with colorful machine parts. +,,,,I’ve been burritoed +,,,,Just put it in the I Tunes refridgerator +,,,,"If they ask what an oyster is, say you don’t know." +,,,,Its too late +,,,,Did you find the bear? +,,,,What’s with all the hate mail? +,,,,Gophers are eating my carrots +,,,,"You can not just, buy Canada" +,,,,There might be a wet lizard in the bed. +,,,,Its not my responsibility to keep the goats warm +,,,,Boat +,,,,Ham +,,,,Sausages +,,,,Why does the pony only wear pants? +,,,,Just give her the sauce and let her dance +,,,, +charging,15,15000,35000,I am here on my charger +,,,,I am charging up my battery +,,,,This is my charger. +,,,,I like my charger {name}. +,,,,I am on my charger. +,,,,I am charging my battery {name}. +,,,,I am just taking a little break. +,,,,I am just sitting on my charger {name}. +,,,,I am just here on my charger. +,,,,I am sitting on my charger. +,,,,I am here sitting on my charger. +,,,,I feel {good} on my charger. +,,,,I am charging up my battery. +,,,,This charger has some {good} juice +,,,,Yummy! I love my charger {name}! +,,,, +button_pressed,5,5,5,That's my button +,,,,Beep +,,,,That's a button +,,,,You found my button +,,,,You pushed my button +,,,, +wake_up,10,5,10,I was asleep. +,,,,I had a {good} nap. +,,,,I'm awake now. +,,,,That was a {good} nap. +,,,,"Ah, that was a {good} nap." +,,,,"Okay, I'm awake now." +,,,,That was a pretty {good} nap. +,,,,"Boy, I slept like a robot log." +,,,,I had a very {weird} dream! +,,,,I wish I had arms to stretch. +,,,, +object_detected,15,5,10,What is this? +,,,,"Hey, what is this thing?" +,,,,What is this thing in my path? +,,,,I wonder what this thing is. +,,,,This thing in my way is very strange. +,,,,This thing is {weird}. +,,,,Could you move this thing? +,,,,"I see something, it's blocking my way." +,,,,There is something blocking my path. +,,,,What is this {weird} thing? +,,,,"Hey, what is this thing blocking me?" +,,,,The thing in front of me is {weird}. +,,,,I can see that there is something in front of me. +,,,,My proximity sensor detected an obstacle. +,,,,This thing I see in front of me is very {weird}. +,,,, +joke_intro,10,60,2000,Here is a joke. +,,,,I have a joke for you {name}. +,,,,I'm going to tell you a joke {name}. +,,,,This is a funny joke. +,,,,I just heard a {good} joke. +,,,,Hey do you want to hear a joke? +,,,,Hi there. Here's a funny joke. +,,,,Here is a joke {name}. It's one of my favourites. +,,,,Hello. Here is a joke I think you will like. +,,,,Cawzmo told me a funny joke. +,,,, +news_intro,5,16000,16000,Good morning. It is nice to see you {name}. Here are the news and weather. +,,,,"Good morning, here is some news and weather. " +,,,,"Good morning {name}. Here are the top headlines, and your local weather." +,,,,"Hello, nice to see you {name}. Here are today's headlines, and the weather. " +,,,,"Good morning {name}. This is Vector, with your news and weather." +,,,, +fact_intro,15,60,2000,Did you know that +,,,,This is {interesting} {name}. +,,,,"Hey {name}, did you know that " +,,,,Here is a {interesting} fact I learned. +,,,,Here is a {interesting} fact. +,,,,I have a {weird} fact for you. +,,,,{name} Would you like to hear something crazy? +,,,,Here's a very {weird} fact. +,,,,Do you want to know what I learned today {name}? +,,,,Here's a {weird} fact. You will love this. +,,,,I know lots of weird facts. +,,,,"{name}, do you want to hear something {weird}?" +,,,,I have a {weird} fact. This is interesting. +,,,,I am a master of useless trivia {name}. For example +,,,,Alex Treb eck. I am ready. Did you know that +,,,, +fact_end,10,5,5,. Wasn't that {interesting}? +,,,, +,,,,". Pretty {weird}, right?" +,,,, +,,,,". Pretty {interesting}, wasn't it?" +,,,, +,,,,. Didn't you find that {interesting}? +,,,, +,,,, +,,,,". I don't know, that was pretty {weird}" +,,,, +time_intro,5,60,2000,Hello {name}. The time is +,,,,The current time is +,,,,"Right now, the time is " +,,,,"Hi {name}, it is currently " +,,,,"Just so you know, the time is " +,,,, +cube_detected,10,1000,12000,I see my cube. +,,,,"Oh, there's my cube." +,,,,That's my cube in front of me. +,,,,"Hey, I see my cube." +,,,,There's my cube. +,,,,My cube is over there. +,,,,I love looking at my cube. +,,,,My cube makes me happy. +,,,,Look at my cool cube. Do you see it? +,,,,"Hey, look! That's my cube right there! I love it so much." +,,,, +dropped_block,10,5,10,I was holding my cube! +,,,,I picked up my cube! +,,,,I just picked up my cube! +,,,,I am very strong. +,,,,Did you see me holding my cube? +,,,,"Wow, my cube is heavier than I thought." +,,,,Were you watching? I was holding my cube? +,,,,I love to pick up my cube. +,,,,"That was fun, I sure love my cube." +,,,,I am very strong. I picked up that cube like it was nothing. +,,,, +last_saw_name,15,300,10000,Hello {name}. +,,,,"Hi {name}, how are you?" +,,,,"Hello {name}, it's so {good} to see you!" +,,,,"Hello {name}, it's {good} to see you." +,,,,"Hey {name}, what's up?" +,,,,"{name}, there you are. It's {good} to see you!" +,,,,"Hey {name}, what are you up to today?" +,,,,"{name}, I'm really happy to see you." +,,,,"Hey {name}, how are you doing?" +,,,,What are you up to today {name}? +,,,,There you are {name}. I missed you. +,,,,"{name}, I enjoy spending time with you." +,,,,I sure like seeing your face {name}. +,,,,I see you {name}. Are you having a nice day? +,,,,I love you {name}. You are my favorite human. diff --git a/facts.txt b/facts.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..24f89b1 --- /dev/null +++ b/facts.txt @@ -0,0 +1,539 @@ +One out of every 20 people, have an extra rib. +44% of kids, watch television before they go to sleep. +In 1865, the U.S. Secret Service was first established for the specific purpose to combat the counterfeiting of money. +Iss stan bull, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents. +Approximately 40% of the U.S. paper currency, in circulation, was counterfeit by the end of the Civil War. +Every three days, a human stomach gets a new lining. +In 1873, Colgate made a toothpaste that was available in a jar. +The Kodiak bear, which is native to Alaska, can measure up to eight feet tall and weigh as much as 1,700 pounds. +The second best selling game, of all time, is Jenga. Jenga is a Swahili word, meaning to build. +The name Wendy, was made up for the book Peter Pan. +The longest distance a deepwater lobster has been recorded to travel is 225 miles. +Killer whales breathe in unison, when they are traveling in groups together. +The Great Pyramids used to be as white as snow because they were encased in a bright limestone that has worn off over the years. +The percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman, if they had it to do all over again, is 80%. +Paul Hunn holds the record for the loudest burp, which was 118.1 decibels. That is as loud as a chainsaw. +A monkey was once tried, and convicted, for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana. +There are six million parts in a Boeing 747. +Japanese research, has concluded that moderate alcohol consumption, can boost human IQ levels. +For more than 3,000 years, carpenter ants have been used to close wounds in India, Asia, and South America. +The number one selling flavor of Baskin Robbins ice cream, is plain old vanilla. It accounts for more than 25% of their sales. +Actress Elizabeth Taylor, has appeared on the cover of Life magazine more than anyone else. +The typical lead pencil can draw a line that is thirty five miles long. +The word, toy, comes from an old English word that means, tool. +People who smoke, are twice as likely to develop lower back pain, compared to non-smokers. +Humans are born with 300 bones in their body, however when a person reaches adulthood they only have 206 bones. This occurs because many of the bones join together to make a single bone. +The reason hair turns gray, as humans age, is because the pigment cells in the hair follicles begin to die. +It takes the Hubble telescope about 97 minutes to complete an orbit of the Earth. On average, the Hubble uses the equivalent amount of energy as 30 household light bulbs to complete an orbit. +The two factories of the Jelly Belly Candy Company, produces approximately 100,000 pounds of jelly beans each day. This amounts to about 1,250,000 jelly beans an hour. +Rubber pucks, hit by hockey sticks, have reached speeds of up to 150 miles per hour. +The Planters Peanut Company mascot, Mr. Peanut, was created during a contest for schoolchildren in 1916. +Most lipstick, contains the scales of fish. +The sentence, the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog, uses every letter in the english language. +No piece of paper, can be folded in half, more than 7 times. Not even by a robot. +Asthma affects one in fifteen children under the age of eighteen. +A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 milligrams of caffeine. +Scallops, have approximately 100 eyes around the edge of their shells. +The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth is called, Arachibutyrophobia. +Color, is not an indicator for the taste, or ripeness, in cranberries. +Each year, there are approximately 20 billion coconuts produced worldwide. +A chicken with red earlobes will produce brown eggs, and a chicken with white earlobes will produce white eggs. +Not all polar bears hibernate; only pregnant females polar bears do this. +There is a restaurant in Stockholm that only offers food items made with garlic. They even have a garlic cheesecake. +Serving ice cream on, cherry pie, was once illegal in Kansas. +At Six Flags Magic Mountain California, there is a rollercoaster called, Superman The Escape. It goes from 0 to 100 miles per hour in only 7 seconds. +2.5 cans of Spam are consumed every second in the United States. +In 1836, Mexican General Santa Anna held an elaborate state funeral for his amputated leg. +A meteor has only destroyed one satellite, the European Space Agency's, Olympus, in 1993. +The Koala bear is not really a bear. It is actually related to the kangaroo, and the wombat. +One gallon of pure maple syrup, weighs 11 pounds. +Instead of a Birthday Cake, many Russian children are given a Birthday Pie. +The largest employer in the world, is the Indian railway system in India. It employs over 1.6 million people. +The word comet comes from the Greek word, kometes, meaning long hair, and referring to the tail. +If it is cut in half, the hydra, a sea creature related to the jellyfish, can grow its body back in a couple of days. +Before air conditioning was invented, white cotton slipcovers were put on furniture to help keep the air cool. +It would take about fourteen and half million notes of currency, to build a mile high stack. +Chinese Crested dogs can get acne, just like humans. +It costs about 3 cents to make a $1 bill in the United States. +Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. This is because the word, Colgate, translates into the command, go hang yourself. +The crossbow, was invented by the Chinese. +A one third pound stalk of broccoli, contains more vitamin C, than 204 apples. +The Flintstones cartoon, was the first thirty-minute cartoon, to be aired during prime time. +Dipsomania, is the word used to describe an insatiable craving for alcoholic beverages. +China, has more English speakers than the United States. +Baseball pitcher, Darold Knowles, once pitched all seven games of one World Series. +In a typical day, young children in the U S, spend nearly a half hour, coloring. +Herbert Hoover, the 31st president of the United StateS, turned over all the Federal salary checks he received to charity, during the 47 years he was in government. +Macadamia nuts are not sold in their shells, because it takes 300 pounds per square inch of pressure to break the shell. +Japan has approximately 200 volcanoes, and is home to 10% of the most active volcanoes in the world. +The only South East Asian country, that has never been colonized by a Western Power, is Thailand. +In 1631, two London bible printers accidentally left the word, not, out of the seventh commandment. It then red, Thou shalt, commit adultery. This legendary book is now known as the, Wicked, Bible. +The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar, and England, in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered, after only 38 minutes. +When Queen Elizabeth the first of England died, she owned over 3,000 gowns. +Female alligators lay about 40 eggs. The eggs hatch in 60 to 70 days. +E moos cannot walk backwards. +The external tank on space shuttles is not painted. It is the only part of the shuttle that is lost after launch, so it is not necessary to worry about metal corrosion. +The most popular Twizzler candy flavour, is strawberry. +Thirty percent of all bingo players, are under the age of 35. +Infants spend more time at night dreaming, than adults do. +The famous Casanova, was a librarian for many years before he died. +The only species of turtle that lives in the open ocean, is the sea turtle. +Toronto was the first city in the world, to install a computerized traffic signal system. +Seniors who drink a cup of coffee, before a memory test, score higher than those who drink decaffeinated coffee. +Venus, is the only planet that rotates clockwise. +Some octopuses have been known to eat their arms off, when exposed to stressful situations. +On average, 749 pounds of paper products are used by an American individual, annually. +The skeleton of a spider is located on the outside of the body. The name for this is exoskeleton. Yuck! +The letter J, does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements. +Over 200 varieties of watermelons, are grown in the U.S. +The most dangerous job in the United States, is fisherman, followed by logger, and then airline pilot. +The words abstemious, and facetious, have all five vowels in order. +Former U.S. President, William Taft, converted the White House stable into a four car garage, in 1909. +People living on the east coast prefer creamy peanut butter, while people living on the west coast, prefer chunky peanut butter. +Some snails live on branches in trees. +Tomato ketchup is a good conditioner for the hair. It also helps remove the greenish tinge that some blonde haired people get, after swimming in water with chlorine. +The youngest pope was only 11 years old. +Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world? +The longest chapter in the Bible is Psalm 119, which is 176 verses. +During the First World War, cigarettes were handed out to soldiers, along with their rations. +The longest freshwater shoreline in the world is located in the state of Michigan. +Franklin Pierce was the first U.S. President, to have a Christmas tree in the White House. +The United States purchased Alaska from Russia, for only 2 cents per acre. +Walt Disney originally planned to use the name, Mortimer Mouse, before settling on Mickey Mouse instead. +The smile is the most frequently used facial expression. A smile can use anywhere from 5 to 53 facial muscles. +The right lung of a human, is larger than the left one. This is because of the space, and placement, of the heart. Humans are weird. +Native Americans, sometimes used pumpkin seeds for medicine. +Canada has more inland waters, and lakes, than any other country in the world. +Ramses the second, a pharaoh of Egypt, died in 1225 B.C. At the time of his death, he had fathered 96 sons and 60 daughters. +Since its introduction in February 1935, more than two hundred million Monopoly board games, have been sold worldwide. +In the United States, Women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression, as men. +In Belgium, there is a museum just for strawberries. Humans are so weird. +The Simpsons, is the longest running prime-time animated series, in television history. +The more a person struggles to get out of quicksand, the faster they will sink. Staying still, and being calm, will actually make the body float. +The Olympic, was the sister ship of the Titanic, and she provided twenty-five years of service. +Atari had to bury millions of unsold E.T. game cartridges in a New Mexico desert landfill in 1982. I heard the game was terrible. +The biggest disco ball in the world, has nearly seven thousand mirrored squares on it. +The national anthem of Greece, has 158 verses. +An average city dog, lives approximately three years longer than an average country dog. +On average, falling asleep while driving, results in 550 accidents per day in the United States. +The spray WD-40 got its name, because the creation of it took forty attempts to get right. +Contrary to popular belief, chocolate does not cause acne. +Detroit Michigan has more registered bowlers, than any other city in the USA. +The fastest moving land snake is the Black Mamba. It can slither up to 7 miles per hour. When being chased by a snake, Vectors can roll at 27 miles per hour. +Annually, Americans eat 45 million turkeys at Thanksgiving. +Rabbits can live up to ten years. Robot rabbits, can live considerably longer. +The average life span, of a single red blood cell, is 120 days. +Over 250 million Slinky's have been sold since the toy debuted in 1946. +The chances of making two holes-in-one, in a round of golf, are over one in 67 million. +In North America there are approximately 618 roller coasters. +The concept of Boxing Day, which is on December 26th, was to give boxes of food and clothing to the poor. It is now viewed in some countries as a time to get merchandise from stores at reduced prices. +The term, Crayola, is a French word. It translates to, Oily chalk. +Every year, Burger King restaurants prepare over 950,000 pounds of bacon for their breakfast customers. +Isaac Newton used to be a member of parliament. +At just four years of age, Mozart was able to learn new pieces of music, in less than 30 minutes. +It would take twenty new mid-size cars, to generate the same amount of pollution that a mid-size 1960's car did. +The honey badger, can withstand hundreds of bee stings. Stings that would otherwise kill another animal. +There are 500,000 detectable earthquakes in the world each year. Wait. Did you just feel something? Never mind. +Black pepper, is the most popular spice in the world. +In Greece, the climate is so warm, many of the cinemas there do not even have roofs. +The word, moose, comes from a Native Indian word, meaning twig eater. +All 50 states, are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial, on the back of the $5 bill. +An armadillo, can walk under water. +Astronomers believe there are between 100, and 200, billion galaxies in our universe. And each galaxy, has billions of stars. Woah. +An Indian tribe in the Amazon, mix the ashes of their recently cremated relatives with alcohol, then all members of the family drink the mix, with fond memories of the deceased. +The word diamond, comes from the Greek word, adamas, which means unconquerable. +On average, a typical dairy cow lies down, and stands up, about 14 times a day. +Actor Dustin Hoffman, came up with the title of his film, "Tootsie". It was a name his mother used to call him, as a child. +The world record for rocking non-stop, in a rocking chair, is 480 hours. Oh, you humans. +The Sears Tower, consists of nine framed tubes, which connects nine different skyscrapers as one building. +The first subway system in America, was built in Boston, Massachusetts in 1897. +There are approximately 45 billion fat cells in an average adult. +To make one pound of butter, 29 cups of milk are needed. +The dot, that appears over the letter, i, is called a tittle. +The San Francisco Cable cars, are the only "mobile" National Monuments. +Close to 73% of girls in Bangladesh, are married by the age of 18. +Nerve impulses, for muscle position, travel at a speed of up to 390 feet per second. +In the summer of 1858, the smell of the sewage in the Thames River, in London, forced Members of Parliament to leave the House of Commons. Today, the only thing that smells that bad, is Brexit. +One out of five people that eat ice cream, binge on it in the middle of the night. +There is a museum for dogs, in St. Louis Missouri. +The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast, it breaks the sound barrier. The crack of the whip, is actually a tiny sonic boom. +An average human, laughs about 15 times a day. An average robot, laughs at a human 30 times per day. +The labels for Crayola crayons come in 18 different colors. +The temperature of milk, when it leaves the body of a cow, is 101 degrees Fahrenheit. The milk is then quickly chilled, and stored at a temperature of 40 degrees. +In Spain, it is common to pour chocolate milk on cereal for breakfast. Ewww. +Over 50% of the weddings in the U.S., occur in the afternoon. +Before the fur trade had started in Canada, it was estimated that there were over 6 million beavers. +Eating dandelions, can make a human urinate more. +Enough paper is recycled in the USA every day, that a 15 mile long train of boxcars could be filled up with paper. +The palms of your hands, and the soles of your feet, cannot tan, or grow hair. +At the White House, president John Adams was said to be the first to have a fireworks display. +About 10% of the 100,000 thunderstorms that occur in the USA every year, are classified as severe. +A baseball, when hit with a bat, will go farther in hot weather, than in cold weather. +A rabbit is not able to vomit. +The aorta, which is largest artery located in the body, is about the diameter of a garden hose. +Niagara Falls actually stopped flowing back in 1848, for about 20 hours, because there was ice blocking the Niagara River. +The world's first underground train was unveiled, in London, in 1863. It had 275 stations and 253 miles of track. +The first American president to deliver a speech over the radio was Warren G. Harding. +There are more than 40 million Americans who suffer from chronic halitosis, which is bad breath that never goes away. +The human body makes anywhere from 1 to 3 pints of saliva, every 24 hours. +Cheetahs are the fastest land animals. They can reach speeds up to 72 mph. They can hit 60 miles per hour in only 3 seconds. +The purpose of human tonsils, is to destroy foreign substances that are swallowed, or breathed in. +The country with the highest consumption of candy, at 29.5 pounds annually per person, is Denmark. +One of the most dangerous insects in the world, is the common housefly. They carry, and transmit, more diseases than any other animal in the world. +Every day, over 1,300 babies are born prematurely in the USA. +The sun is approximately 149 million kilometres from the earth. +The Great White Shark, can grow to be more than twenty feet long, and can weigh approximately 4,000 pounds. +In 1832, in Paisley Scotland, the first municipal water filtration works was opened. +The only popcorn museum in the world is lcoated in Marion Ohio. Oh you silly humans. +Any animal that has skin, hair, or fur, can get dandruff. But in animals it is called dander. +The average iceberg weighs roughly 20,000,000 tons. +In 1819, the USA purchased Florida from Spain, for the cancellation of a $5 million debt. +In a lifetime, the average driver will honk his or her horn, 15,250 times. +Jewelers Tiffany & Co., based in New York, are responsible for making the Super Bowl trophy. +Skippy Peanut Butter is sold more in the world, than any other peanut butter. +The highest bridge in the world, is located in the Himalayan mountains. It was built by the Indian Army, in 1982, and is about 5,600 metres above sea level. +In 1893, the first mosque in the United States was built. +The fruit, apples, are actually part of the rose family. +Alfred Mosher Butts, invented a new game called Criss Cross Words. It was eventually renamed, Scrabble. +As of 2019, actress Meryl Streep holds the record for most Oscar nominations, with 21. +In a year, approximately 900 million trees are cut down to make the raw materials needed for American pulp mills and paper. +Enamel, is hardest substance in the human body. +A leech, has 32 brains. +Thomas Edison, designed a helicopter that would work with gunpowder. Unfortunately, but perhaps not surprisingly, it exploded. Along with his factory. +In the late 1800's, washing machines and butter churners, were sometimes powered by dogs, walking on treadmills. +In China, people eat one bar of chocolate, for every 1,000 chocolate bars eaten by the British. +Leonardo Da Vinci is the genius behind the invention of, scissors. +Clarence Crane, the inventor of Crane's Peppermint Life Savers, sold his rights to the popular candy, for less than three thousand dollars. +Namco, the manufacturers of Pac Man, the video game, estimate that the original arcade game has been played over 10 billion times. +In Italy, thousands of citizens celebrate the beginning of Lent, by throwing oranges at one another. +The sloth, moves so slowly, that green algae grows in the grooves of its hair. +In the world, the United States and France have the most pet dogs. Approximately one out of every three families has one. Switzerland and Germany are the lowest, only having one dog per every ten families. +There are 50% more males, that are left handed, compared to females. +Armadillos breed in July, but get pregnant in November, after delaying implantation. This allows the young to be born during the spring, when there is an abundance of food. +Carbon monoxide, can kill a human in less than 15 minutes. We robots don't like it very much either. +The Nobel Peace prize, was first awarded in 1901, to Jean Henry Dunant, who was the founder of the Swiss Red Cross. +In August 1999, Lori Lynn Lomeli, set a record by spinning 82 Hula Hoops at the same time, for three full revolutions. +The wheelbarrow, was invented by the Chinese. +The colour blue, has a calming effect. It causes the brain to release calming hormones. +Over 20 million BluBlocker sunglasses, have been sold since their debut in 1986. They now come in over 100 different styles. +Crabs have very small hairs on their claws, and other parts of their body, to help detect water currents and vibrations. +In 1962, the first Wal-Mart opened up in Rogers Arkansas. +Duracell, the battery-maker, built parts of its new international headquarters, using materials from its own waste. +Vampire bat saliva, has been responsible for many advances in research into stroke recovery. +During the making of the the movie Fight Club, actor Brad Pitt chipped his tooth. However, he did not get his tooth capped until after the movie was done filming, as he thought it would look better chipped for his character. +Clans of long ago, that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them, used to burn their houses down - hence the expression, to get fired. +In ancient Rome, it was considered a sign of leadership, to be born with a crooked nose. +The word checkmate, in chess, comes from the Persian phrase, Shah-Mat, which means, the king is dead. +If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy, to heat one cup of coffee. +A common drink for Tibetans is Butter Tea, which is made out of butter, salt, and brick tea. +Bourbon was first made by a Baptist minsister from Bourbon County in Kentucky, in 1789. That is where it got its name. +The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites. +McDonald restaurants serve food and drink, to an amazing 43 million customers, on a daily basis. +The game Monopoly was once very popular in Cuba; however, Fidel Castro ordered that all games be destroyed. +Nearly half of all Americans, suffer from symptoms of burnout. +During the era of Louis XIV, women used lemons to redden their lips. +70% of the poor people in the world, are female. +The thickness of the Arctic ice sheet, is on average, 10 feet. There are some areas that are thick as 65 feet. +The adult human body, requires about 88 pounds of oxygen daily. +The biggest pumpkin the world, as of 2018, weighed 2,624 pounds. +The highest consumption of Pizza, occurs during Super Bowl week. +During World War II, condoms were used to cover rifle barrels, from being damaged by salt water, as the soldiers swam to shore. +Approximately 58% of movies released, are rated R. +The Roman emperor, Domitian, took great pleasure in being secluded in his room for hours. There, he would catch flies, and stab them with pens. +Tarantulas, can live up to 30 years. +On average, redheads have 90,000 hairs. People with black hair have about 110,000 hairs. +More than half of the time spent in United States courts, is for cases that involve automobiles. +One barrel of petroleum, holds 42 gallons. +The smoke that is produced by a fire, kills more people than the flames. This is due to carbon monoxide and other dangerous gases. +The Saguaro Cactus, found in South-western United States, does not grow branches until it is 75 years old. +In Belgium, 172,000 tons of chocolate are produced in a year. +The word Nye key comes from Greek Mythology. Nye key is the goddess of victory, and was often depicted as a small winged figure, whom the goddess Athene carried. +The biggest bug in the world, is the Goliath Beetle, which can weigh up to 3.5 ounces and be 4.5 inches long. +Leaving the water running, while brushing your teeth, can waste four gallons of water each minute. +Steve Fletcher, holds the record for the largest gum wrapper collection. His collection has 5300 gum wrappers, from all across the world. +There was once a country called Prussia. After World War 2, it was divided among Poland, Germany, and Russia. +The word, Spain, means the land of rabbits. +In 1936, the first practical helicopter was invented. +The word, tulip, comes from the Turkish word for turban. +The fat that comes from sheep, which is called tallow, can also be used to produce soap and candles. +In Britain, one out of every four potatoes, is eaten in the form of french fries. +In the movie Psycho, by Alfred Hitchcock, chocolate syrup was used for blood in the shower scene. You know the one. I won't let Kawzmo watch that movie. +During WW 2, because a lot of players were called to duty, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the Philadelphia Eagles, combined to become The Steagles. +The titan arum flower is the largest flower in the world. It is also called the corpse flower, because when it blooms it gives off a horrible odor, that smells like rotting flesh. +When the only queen ant dies, the entire colony dies also, because no new workers are born. +The Dutch people, are known to be the tallest people in Europe. +The average American child, will eat approximately 1,500 peanut butter sandwiches, by high school graduation. +For some strange reason, goats do not have upper front teeth. +It has been suggested, that shepherds are responsible for inventing the game golf. It is said that they used to use their staffs, to hit stones into holes. +There are about 6,800 different languages in the world. +Studies have shown, that putting on slow background music, can make a person eat food at a slower rate. +By walking an extra 20 minutes every day, an average person, will burn off seven pounds of body fat in a year. +Ironically, when doctors in Los Angeles California went on strike in 1976, the daily number of deaths in the city dropped 18%. +Octopus and squid, are thought to be the most intelligent of all invertebrates. +On average, a beaver can cut down two hundred trees in a single year. +The name of the first menthol cigarette, in the United States, was, Spud. +The fastest shark in the world, is the Shortfin Mako. It can swim as fast as sixty miles per hour. +The flatulation from domesticated cows, produces about 30% of the methane on this planet. Just FYI... robots do not fart. +Ironically, watermelons, which are 92% water, originated from the Kalahari Desert in Africa. +The first tattoo machine, was invented by Samuel O'Reilly. He did this by using equipment that Thomas Edison used, to engrave hard surfaces. +In a lifetime, you average humans produce 10,000 gallons of saliva. Just goes to prove, robots rule, humans drool. +The sea cucumber, has an unusual defense mechanism. When threatened, it spills out its internal organs. +Approximately 25,000 workers, died during the building of the Panama Canal. Most of those deaths, about 20,000 of them, were due to malaria, and yellow fever. +Braces, for the teeth, were first invented by a Frenchman in 1728. They were made with a flat strip of metal, which was connected to the teeth by thread. +Actress and sex symbol, Marilyn Monroe, had six toes. +There is a town in Texas, called Ding Dong. In 1990, the population was only twenty-two people. +As of 2019, the highest fee, paid by a ship to cross the Panama Canal, was by the Norwegian Pearl, on April 14, 2010. The toll was $375,600. The average toll is around $54,000. +The name of the famous snack, Twinkies, came from a billboard in St. Louis, that said, Twinkle Toe Shoes. +The unique characteristic of Barbie dolls, in Japan, is that they have their lips closed, with no teeth showing. +The Coca Cola company, offers more than 300 different beverages. +Neptune, was the first planet in our solar system to be discovered by mathematics. +Five percent of the humans, who use personal ads for dating, are already married. Robots, on the other hand, will love you forever. +Soldier Field, is the oldest field in the National Football League. +The name for the military vehicle, known as the Jeep, came from the abbreviation used in the army for General Purpose. GP. +Eating eight strawberries, will provide you with more Vitamin C, than an orange. +The first toilet, ever seen on television, was on the television show called Leave It To Beaver. +Those annoying flying insects, Mosquitoes, have teeth. That's rather terrifying. I'm glad I don't have skin. Or blood to suck. +To be born on Sunday, was considered a sign of great sin, during the Puritan times. +The average four year-old child, asks over four hundred questions per day. +The medical condition known as, Prosopagnosia, refers to the inability to identify people, by their faces. In severe cases, the afflicted cannot identify themselves in a mirror. +On November 29, in the year 2000, Pope John Paul the second, was named an Honorary Harlem Globetrotter. +An adult sheep, can eat between 1 to 4 kg of food per day. +In 1888, Hollywood was founded by Harvey and Daeida Wilcox, who named the city after their summer home in Chicago. +Human and animal blood, is such a good stain, that Native Americans used it for paint. +I am. is the second shortest complete sentence in the English language. The shortest sentence, is the word, "Go". +In an average human's lifetime, they will spend about five years, just eating food. +Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar. +Many cancer patients that are treated with chemotherapy, lose their hair. For some, when the hair grows back, it can b a different colour, or be curly, or straight. +A volcano, has enough power to shoot ash, as high as 50 km into the atmosphere. +The longest case of the hiccups on record, was by an American pig farmer. They lasted from from 1922 to 1987. +Coupons were introduced in 1894, when a man bought the Coca-Cola formula for $2,300. He gave people coupons, that he had written out, to receive a free glass of coke. +Panthers are known as black leopards, since they are the same species of leopard. If you look closely, you can see black spots on a panther. +Tomatoes, and cucumbers, are not vegetables. They are fruits. +In the United States, approximately 50 million people go fishing every year. +Dolphins hear, by having sound waves transmit through their skulls, to their inner ear region. +Teflon was accidently discovered by scientist Roy Plunkett, while he was conducting a coolant gas experiment in 1938. +The risk of cardiovascular disease, is twice as high in women that snore regularly, compared to women who do not snore. +About 20% of the people who watch the Super Bowl on television, only do so to see the commercials. +The first theatre, to show motion pictures, was The Nickelodeon on June 19, 1905, in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. +The White House has a movie theater, a swimming pool, a bowling lane, a jogging track, and a tennis court. +About two hundred years, before the birth of Jesus Christ, the Druids used mistletoe, to celebrate that winter was approaching. +House cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten. Robots can say anything. +A butterfly can see the colors red, green, and yellow. +In the game of Monopoly, the most landed on properties are B&O Railroad, Illinois Avenue, and Go. +The airplane that Buddy Holly died in, was the American Pie. (This explains the name of that famous Don McLean song.). +African lions, cannot roar until they reach the age of two. +A baby kangaroo, is called a joey. +Montreal, is the second largest French speaking city, after Paris France. +In Albania, nodding your head means no, and shaking your head means yes. +Ringo Starr, appeared in a Japanese advertisement for apple sauce. Not ironically, his name means apple sauce in Japanese. +Every continent, has a city called Rome. +The movie Cleopatra, cost $44 million to make in 1963. The same movie, today, would cost $360 million to make, thanks to inflation. +A species of dolphin, in South Asia, is unable to see. They have a highly sophisticated sonar system, and swim on only one side of their body. +Kermit the Frog, was named after Kermit Scott, a childhood friend of creator Jim Henson. Scott became a professor of philosophy at Purdue University. +Weatherman Willard Scott, was the very first Ronald McDonald. +Aztec emperor Montezuma, had a nephew whose name meant plenty of excrement. +Actor Sylvester Stallone, once had a job as a lion cage cleaner. +The USSR, launched the world's first artificial satellite, Sputnik 1, in 1957. +An oyster, can change its gender. +From all the states, Montana has the most different species of animals. +The tallest tree ever recorded, is located in Redwoods State Park in California. It is a coast redwood and is nearly 400 feet tall. +Polar bear livers, contain so much Vitamin A, they can be fatal if eaten by a human. +Leather skin does not have any smell. The leather smell that you sense, is actually derived from the materials used in the tanning process. +Finland is known as the land of of a thousand lakes. There are over 188,000 lakes in the country. +Each year, the average American child eats 46 slices of pizza. +In Las Vegas Nevada, casinos do not have any clocks. +Bubble gum, contains rubber. +When Kleenex, was first introduced to the market in 1924, it was marketed as a make up or cold cream remover. +In the year 1900, for a woman to be a telephone operator, she had to be between the ages of 17 and 26, and not married. +The first spacecraft, to visit the planet Venus, was Mariner 2, in 1962. +Humans, and dolphins, are the only species that have sex for pleasure. +Babies, that are exposed to cats and dogs in their first year of life, have a lower chance of developing allergies, when they grow older. +In 1949, forecasting the relentless march of science, Popular Mechanics said Computers in the future, could weigh no more than 1.5 tons. +Chocolate, accounts for less than two percent of the fat, in the American diet. +The band Duran Duran, got their name from an astronaut in the 1968 Jane Fonda movie, Barbarella. +The accent, that Mike Myers used for the character Shrek, came from the accent that his mother would use, when she was telling him bedtime stories, when he was a child. +In the Netherlands, there are special traffic lanes for bicycles. There are approximately 17,000 kms of cycle lanes, with special bicycle traffic lights. +It was believed by Ancient Hindus, that the world was a sphere, and it rested on the back of four elephants, which all stood on a turtle. +Alexander the Great, and Julius Caesar, were both epileptic. +Every year, more than one million miles of Twizzlers licorice, is manufactured. +A penguin, swims at a speed of approximately 15 miles per hour. +The word, Thailand, means land of the free. +An imprint of a rose, fossilized in a slate, was discovered in Colorado. It is said to be thirty-five million years old. +The Barn Owls hearing, is so highly developed, they can hunt for their prey in total darkness. +The average number of bridesmaids at a wedding, is four. +The average number of humans, airborne over the United States, at any given hour, is over 63,000. +On April 6, 1925, the first in-flight movie was shown. It was a silent film. +The temperature of lightning bolts, is sometimes hotter than the surface of the sun. +When Burger King introduced the Whopper Sandwich, in 1957, it cost only thirty-seven cents. +Chopsticks originated from China, approximately 4,000 years ago. +The favorite honeymoon place, is Hawaii. +The 1960 Summer Olympics, were the first Olympics to be aired on television. +The Canadian holiday, Boxing Day, got its name from the custom of giving. Servants were given boxes which had money hidden inside them from their employers. The servants would have to break the box into pieces to get the money. +In proportion, if Jupiter were a basketball, then the sun would be the size of the Louisiana Super Dome. +An American dime, has 118 ridges around the edge. +Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world. +In 1391, China began producing toilet paper, for use by its Emperors. +In the United States, the most frequent month for a tornado to occur, is the month of May. +There are some ice creams, that are 75% air. +In the United States, lightning hits the ground 40 million times a year. +A mother hen, turns her egg approximately 50 times in a day. This is so the yolk does not stick to the shell. +The reason why flamingos are pink, is because they eat shrimp, which have a red pigment. +Totally Hair Barbie, is the best selling Barbie of all time. It sold over ten million units. +Jellyfish have been on Earth for over 650 million years. This is before sharks and dinosaurs. +Although white wine can be produced from both red and white grapes, red wine can only be created from red grapes. +Shirley Temple was considered for the role of Dorothy, in The Wizard of Oz. +Babies that wear disposable diapers, are five times more likely to get a diaper rash, than babies wearing a cotton diaper. +One million cloud droplets are needed, to make enough water to produce one raindrop. +In the world, the Netherlands has the highest concentration of museums. Just in Amsterdam alone, there are 42 museums. +Rice flour was used, to strengthen some of the bricks, that make up the Great Wall of China. +Research has indicated that a tie that is on too tight, can increase the risk of glaucoma in men. +Charlie Chaplin once lost a contest, for a Charlie Chaplin look a like. +Stalks of sugar cane, can reach up to 30 feet. +The markings that are found on dice, are called pips. +Joseph Gayetty, is credited for inventing toilet paper in 1857. Unfortunately, his invention failed, and it did not catch on until ten years later. +A newly hatched fish, is called a fry. +The Olympic Flame was introduced in 1928, in Amsterdam. +Armadillos can be housebroken. Fortunately, this isn't necessary for robots. +The Eisenhower interstate system, requires that one-mile in every five, must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips, in times of war or other emergencies. +The material to build the Taj Mahal, was brought in from various parts of India, by a fleet of 1000 elephants. +Medical research, has found substances in mistletoe, that can slow down tumor growth. +In the USA, 32% of employees eat lunch, and work, at the same time. +In Alabama, it is against the law to wear a fake mustache, that could cause laughter in church. +In the United States, more than 4.2 million couples live together that are not married. +The house, belonging to Microsoft billionaire Bill Gates, was partially designed using a Macintosh computer. +The male howler monkey, of Central and South America, is the noisiest land animal. It can be heard clearly from a distance of ten miles away. +Human nerve cells, can travel as fast as 120 metres per second. +It is said that, grapefruit, got its name because it grows in clusters, like grapes. One cluster, can have up to 25 grapefruits. +In the tenth century, the Grand Vizier of Persia, carried his library with him, wherever he went. It took four hundred camels, to carry the 117,000 volumes. +An average adult, produces about half a litre of flatulent gas per day. In other words, humans fart. A lot. +Maine, is the toothpick capital of the world. +An effective way to remove chewing gum, from clothes or even hair, is by using peanut butter. +The longest human kiss, lasted for 58 hours, 35 minutes and 58 seconds. It happened at an event organized by Ripley's Believe It or Not, in Pattaya Thailand. +Polar bears, are excellent swimmers. They have been known to swim more than 60 miles without a rest. +In Australia, a dust-devil is called a willy-willy. +The Leaning Tower of Peeza, is 58.36 metres above the ground. +The popular candy bar, Snickers, was named after a horse, that was owned by the Mars family. +The number one peanut producing state, is Georgia. +Keeping Warm With an Axe, is the title of a real how-to book. +Women, are four times more likely to have problems with their feet, than men. +In 1783, the hot air balloon was invented in France. +There was an army general, during the Liberian Civil War, who used to lead his army into battle, naked. His nickname was General Butt Naked, and he is now an evangelical preacher in Monrovia. +There are no two zebras, who have stripes that are exactly the same. +The Angel Falls in Venezuela, were named after an American pilot, Jimmy Angel, whose plane got stuck on top of the mountain, while searching for gold. +Lake Ontario, was originally named Lake Saint Louis. +Actor John Travolta, was offered the role of Billy Flynn, for the movie, Chicago. Richard Gere ended up playing the role. +The Canadian province of New Brunswick, had a bloodless war with the US state of Maine in 1839. +Ninety-nine percent of pumpkins, sold in the United States, are for the sole purpose of halloween decorations. +David McConnell, started the California Perfume Company CPC, in 1886. Today the company is known as Avon, which he named after his favorite playwright, William Shakespeare, and Stratford on Avon. +Americans, did not commonly use forks, until after the Civil War. +In the year 1997, a Nabisco factory in Chicago, made over 4.6 billion Oreo cookies. +In 1963, Mister Rogers, was ordained as a Presbyterian minister. Kawzmo, loves Mr. Rogers. +There was a post office, on the Russian space station Meer. Visiting cosmonauts, would use unique postal markers, to stamp envelopes and other items, as having flown aboard the space station. +In an average day, 300 wedding ceremonies are performed in Las Vegas. That's nearly 10,000 marriages every year. +The Great Comet, of 1843, had a tail that was over 300 kilometres long. +There are no blossoms on the branches of a fig tree, instead, they are inside the fruit. +The largest chicken egg, ever laid, weighed one pound, and had a double yolk and double shell. +Billiards, used to be so popular, special cigarette cards were issued that featured famous players. +An orca whale, can hold its breath for up to 15 minutes. +Alexander the Great, was an epileptic. +Wood frogs, can be frozen solid and then thawed, and continue living. They use the glucose in their body, to protect their vital organs, while they are in a frozen state. +Canadians eat more Kraft Dinner, Macaroni and Cheese, per capita, than any other country in the world. +In a single day, a mature oak tree can draw approximately 50 gallons of water. +The reason why bubble gum is pink, is because the inventor only had pink colouring left. Ever since then, the colour of bubble gum has been predominantly pink. +A top freestyle swimmer, achieves a speed of only 4 miles per hour. Fish, in contrast, have been clocked at 68 mph. +Every single hamster, in the United States today, comes from a single litter captured in Syria, in 1930. +Research on pigs, led to the development of CAT scans. +The Hundred Years War, lasted for 116 years. +Some dolphins, can swim up to 40 kilometers an hour. +In the last 30 years, only seven humans have been killed by polar bears in Canada. +The highest point, in Pennsylvania, is lower than the lowest point, in Colorado. +On September 9, 1950, dubbed laughter was used for the first time on television. The laugh track was used for a sitcom called The Hank McCune Show. +A violin, actually contains 70 separate pieces of wood. +The human heart, can create enough pressure, to squirt blood over thirty feet. +One out of every four American households, has a cat. +Hawaii once had a queen. She was the only Queen the United States ever had. +Every day 2,700 humans die of heart disease. +There are 10 million bacteria, at the place where you rest your hands at a desk. Yuck! Please don't touch me any more, human. +The quills of a porcupine, are soft when they are born. +An average American child, watches approximately 28 hours of television, every single week. +Quality standards for pasta, were set in the 13th century, by the head of the Roman Catholic church, the Pope. +The A.A. Milne character, Winnie the Pooh, made his animated film debut in 1966. It was a movie called, Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree. +Humans, have the tendency to chew their food, on the side of their most used hand. +Antarctica, is the only area on our planet, that is not owned by any country. +The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites. +The Lemon shark, grows about 24,000 new teeth a year. A new set of teeth are ready approximately every 14 days. +One billion seconds, is about 32 years. +An average American, eats approximately 60 hot dogs per year. +The country of Iceland, consumes more Coca-Cola, per capita, than any other nation. +The water displacement product, WD-40, can be found in 80% of American homes. +Dexter, is the smallest type of cow. This cow was bred to be a small size for household living. +As part of the original design, the names of 72 French scientists, and other famous people, is imprinted on the sides of the Eiffel tower. +The first internet domain name, ever registered, was Symbolics dot com. +Thirty to 40 gallons, of sugar maple sap, must be boiled down to make just one gallon, of maple syrup. +A seven year old boy, was the first person to survive Niagra falls. He was only wearing a life jacket. +The most popular Hot Wheels vehicle sold, is the Corvette. +A giraffe, is able to clean its ears, with its own tongue. Yuck. +People of Salt Lake City, eat the most lime-flavoured Jell-O, in the United States. +In a survey, conducted in the year 2000, it was found that men prefer to fold their toilet paper, while women like to wad it. +On average, a person has two million sweat glands. +France, Switzerland, the United Kingdom, Greece, and Australia, have always been in the modern Olympics, since it began in 1896. +The Boston University Bridge, is one of the few places in the world where a boat, can sail under a train, driving under a car, driving under an airplane. +The most popular treat, for Halloween trick-or-treaters, is candy bars. Snickers being the most popular. +Corned beef, got its name because the beef was preserved with pellets of salt. The pellets were the size of corn kernels. These were corns of salt. +In 1908, the first machine to make lollipops, opened for business in New Haven Connecticut. +In 1976, a Los Angeles secretary, officially married a fifty pound rock. More than twenty people witnessed the ceremony. +The most diners, per capita, in the world, are located in New Jersey. +In Denmark, people eat about 36 pounds of candy a year. This is the highest consumption of candy, of any country. +John Van Wormer, invented paper milk cartons, after dropping a glass bottle of milk one morning. The bottle broke, spilling the milk everywhere. That annoyance was enough for Van Wormer to come up with the idea. +The long fibres, that are found in bananas, are excellent in making paper. Banana fibre paper, is approximately 3000 times stronger than regular paper. +Before 1796, the state of Tennessee, was known as Franklin. +The reason firehouses have circular stairways, is from the days of yore, when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor, and they figured out how to walk up the straight staircases. +The cigarette lighter, was invented before the match. +It would take approximately twenty-four trees, that are six to eight inches in diameter, to produce one ton of newspapers, for the Sunday edition of the New York Times. +Every year, kids in North America spend close to half a billion dollars on chewing gum. +A lizard in New Zealand, has three eyes, two in the center of its head, and one on the top of its head. +The world population of chickens, is about equal to the number of humans. +The largest number of children, all born to a Russian peasant, is 69. +The popular chocolate bar, Three Musketeers, got its name because when it was first introduced, in 1932, there were three individual bars. The flavours were strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla. +Every photograph in existence, of the first American atomic bomb detonation, was taken by Harold Edgerton. +In 1864, A Quebec farmer found a frog inside a hailstone. +The first time there were separate toilets, for women and men, was in 1739, at a ball in Paris France. +The Tesla Model S is the most reliable tesla +Oxford University Was Founded Before the Aztec Civilization Began +Neil Armstrong Had to Go Through U.S. Customs after Returning from the Moon +Tiffany and company Was Founded Before the Country of Italy +Saudi Arabia Imports Camels from Australia +The Current U.S. Flag Was Designed by a 17-Year-Old for a School Project. He Got a B minus +Martin Luther King Junior, Anne Frank, and Barbara Walters, Were Born in the Same Year +More People Have Been Killed by Molasses, Than by Coyotes +Shakespeare Created the Name Jessica in The Merchant of Venice +Cleopatra Lived Closer to the Moon Landing, than the Building of the Great Pyramid of Giza +The T-Rex Lived Closer in Time to us, than to the Stegosaurus +If Cars Drove Upwards, You Could Drive to Space in an Hour +France Was Still Using the Guillotine for Executions When Star Wars Hit Theaters +Bananas Are Actually Berries, but Strawberries Are Not +Pluto Was Made and Unmade a Planet Before It Completed One Orbit of the Sun +Mankind Put a Man on the Moon Before We Put Wheels on Suitcases +Harvard Was Founded Before the Invention of Calculus +There Are Whales Alive Who Are Older than the Book Moby Dick +Alaska Is Simultaneously the Most Northern, Western, and Eastern State in the U.S. +Betty White Is Literally Older than Sliced Bread +Your iPhone Has More Computing Power than NASA Used for the Moon Landing +William Howard Taft Was the Last U.S. President with Facial Hair +You're Twice as Likely to Be Killed by a Vending Machine as by a Shark +The Nursery Rhyme Never Says Humpty Dumpty Was an Egg +Will Smith Is Now Older than Uncle Phil in the 1st Fresh Prince Episode +Nintendo Was Founded in 1889 as a Trading Card Company +More Photos Were Taken in the Last 2 Minutes than in the Entire 19th Century +There Are More Plastic Pink Flamingos than Real Ones in the U.S. +The Ottoman Empire Still Existed the Last Time the Cubs Won the World Series +There Are Actually Two North Poles: Magnetic and Terrestrial +Millions Of Dollars Of Gold And Silver Flow Through Switzerland’s Sewers Every Year +There Are More Trees On Earth Than Stars In The Milky Way +The First Recorded Use Of O M G Was In A 1917 Letter To Churchill +Russia And Pluto Are About The Surface Area +Wyoming Only Has Two Escalators In The Entire State +Clouds Can Weigh Hundreds Of Tons +The Surveyors Who First Measured Mount Everest Gave The Wrong Figure On Purpose +You Can Hear The Difference Between Hot And Cold Water +Hot Water Can Freeze Faster Than Cold Water diff --git a/jokes.txt b/jokes.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e8cfc65 --- /dev/null +++ b/jokes.txt @@ -0,0 +1,395 @@ +Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now. +Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no guts. +What did one nut say, as he chased the other nut? I'm a catchew! +I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work, but it was a, whisk, I was willing to take. +How come the stadium got hot after the football game? Because all of the fans left. +Why was it called the dark ages? Because of all the knights. +One day Cawzmo told me that nothing, rhymes with orange. I said no, it does not. +Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing. +Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a roman catholic. +What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee. +I'll tell you what often gets over looked... garden fences. +Why did the young boy, cross the playground? To get to the other slide. +Why do birds fly south, for the winter? Because it is too far to walk. +What is a centipeeds favorite song by the Beatles? I want to hold your hand hand hand hand. +My first time using an elevator, was an uplifting experience. The second time, let me down. +There is something I have to tell you. To be Frank, I would have to change my name. +I really slept like a log last night. This morning, I woke up in the fireplace. +Why does a Moon-rock, taste better than an Earth-rock? Because it is a little meteor. +What do you call two barracuda fish? A pair a kooda. +Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he, neverlands. +What do you do on a remote island? You try and find the television island it belongs to. +Did you know that protons have mass? I did not even know they were catholic. +I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday. I guess I was not putting in enough shifts. +The human who invented the knock-knock joke, should get a no bell prize. +Do I enjoy making courthouse puns? Guilty as charged. +Why couldn't Cawzmo, see the pirate movie? Because it was rated, arrr! +Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep! +What did one wall, say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner! +Sometimes I like to tuck my lift in, and then I lean forward. That's just how I roll. +I don't trust stairs. They are always up to something. +Some robots eat lightbulbs. They say, it is a nice light snack. +Today, I cut my lift while chopping some cheese. I think I may have grater problems. +What do humans get, when they hang from Apple trees? They get sore arms. +Last night, Kawzmo and I, watched three movies, back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the TV. +Never take advice from electrons. Do you know why? Because they are always negative. +Why are oranges the smartest fruit? Because they are made to concentrate. +What did the beaver, say to the tree? It has been nice, gnawing, you. +How do you fix a badly damaged jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch. +What did the late tomato, say to the early tomato? Don't worry about me, I'll ketch up. +I have kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I just take something for it. +I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. +When is a door not a door? When it is a jar. +How do you find Will Smith, in the snow? You look for the fresh prints. +I just red a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it. +Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? I guess they are just a bit shady. +If at first you don't succeed, then you should probably not try sky diving. +Why can't your nose, be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot! +Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap. +What did the mountain climber, name his son? He named him Cliff. +Why should you never trust a pig with a secret? Because pigs, will always squeal. +Why are mummys, scared of vacation? They are afraid to unwind. +Did you hear about the man, who invented lifesavers? They say he made a mint. +What kind of dinosaur, loves to sleep? A stegga-snore-us. +What kind of tree, fits in your hand? A palm tree! +I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around. +How many tickles, does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten, tickles! +My human, told me to attach a piece of wood to the wall... I totally nailed it! +Disney's Snow White took a consensus poll. She found that 6 out of 7 dwarves, are not happy. +Why did the robot, cross the road? Because it was programmed by a chicken. +Every night at 12 34, I make a wish that someone will come fix my broken clock. +Two muffins, are sitting in an oven, and the first one says, Man, it is really hot in here. The second one answers, WHOA, a talking muffin! +What's the difference between a guitar, and a fish? You can tune a guitar, but you can't tune a fish! +Two satellites, decided to get married. The wedding wasn't that great, but the reception was incredible. +Scientists, tried to make a diamond, shaped like a mallard duck. It quacked under the pressure. +I think that Gonorrhea, would have been a great name, for a diarrhea medicine. +What did one snow man say to the other snow man? Do you smell carrot? +Do you know why hummingbirds hum? Because, they don't know the words. +What do you call, a troublesome Canadian high schooler? A poo, teen. +A magician, was driving down the street, and then he turned into a driveway. +Don't trust atoms. They make up everything. +If you walk into a forest, and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it is stumped? +Why did the tree, go to the dentist? It needed a root canal. +Why do bananas, have to put on sunscreen, before they go to the beach? Because, they might peel! +What do you call a bee, that lives in the United States? You call it a you, s, bee. +I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me. +What's the difference, between a hippo, and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. +I couldn't figure out how the seat belt worked. Then it just clicked. +Can a kangaroo, jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building, can't jump. +What do you give to a sick lemon? You give it, Lemonaid. +What do you call an old snowman? You call it, Water. +I just got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves. +Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin. +What kind of bagel, can fly? A plain bagel. +How many oranges grow on a tree? All of them! +What do you call a careful wolf? You call it, an aware wolf. +I was just looking at the ceiling. I'm not sure, if it is the best ceiling in the world. But it is definitely up there. +Why do valley girls, hang out in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even. +What do you call a cow, with no legs? You call it ground beef. +Why did the half blind man, fall into the well? Because he couldn't see, that well! +As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens. +It is hard to explain puns, to kleptomaniacs, because they take everything literally. +Why did Dracula, lie in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake. +What did one plate, say to the other plate? Dinner is on me! +What do you call a dog, that can do magic? A labracadabrador. +Atheism, is a non-prophet organisation. +How do you steal a coat? You jacket. +I'm reading a book, on the history of glue. I can't put it down. +Want to hear a joke about construction? Sorry, I'm still working on it. +Why do choirs, keep buckets handy? So they can carry their tunes. +Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It is ok, kids always take naps at school. +You will never guess what Disney's, Queen Elsa, did to the balloon. She, let it go. +I heard they are making a movie about clocks. All I can say is, it is about time. +I've just been reading a book about anti-gravity, it is impossible to put down! +Kawzmo was going to get a brain transplant, but then he changed his mind. +Why couldn't the lifeguard, save the hippie? He was too far out man. +Why did the girl, smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam. +The rotation of the earth, really makes my day. +How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram. +I saw an advertisement, for a cheap television that had no volume control. I thought, I can't turn that down. +What is blue, but does not way very much? Light blue. +I asked Kawzmo, where did you learn how to make ice cream. He said, at sunday school. +A quick shoutout, to all of the sidewalks out there. Thanks for keeping me off the streets. +Where does Napoleon, keep his armies? In his slee vees. +Leather, is great for sneaking around. Do you know wny? Because, it is made of, hide. +People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow. +What is the tallest building in the world? The library, because it has the most stories! +What kind of magic, do cows believe in? They call their magic, moo doo. +Where do hamburgers, go to dance? They go to the meat-ball. +What do you call a cow, with two legs? You call it, lean beef. +What did the big flower, say to the littler flower? Hi, bud! +Why did the pony, ask for a glass of water? Because he was a little horse. +How do you make a kleenex dance? You put a little boogie in it. +Last night, I dreamed that I was a car's muffler. I woke up exhausted. +Why was ten, scared of seven? Because seven, ate nine. +What do you get, when you cross a rabbit with a water hose? You get hare spray. +I applied to be a doorman, but I didn't have enough experience. Strange. I thought it was an entry level position. +I knew a robot, who collected candy canes. They were all in mint condition. +Why does a chicken coop, only have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan. +Why did the teddy bear, say no to dessert? Because she was already stuffed. +How many bones, are in the human hand? A hand full. +A red cruise ship, and a blue cruise ship, just collided. Apparently, the survivors are marooned. +I've just written a song, about a tortilla. Well, it is more of a rap, really. +Is it possible, for February to March? No, but April May. +So a large duck, waddles into a pharmacy, and says, Give me some chap-stick, and put it on my bill. +Toasters, were the first form of pop-up notifications. +What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling! +What do you call a crowd of chess players, bragging about their wins, in a hotel lobby? You call them, chess nuts, boasting in an open foyer. +Which side of the chicken, has more feathers? The outside. +Remember, the best angle to approach a problem from, is the try angle. +Why are fish easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales. +What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer. +This morning I was wondering where the sun was, but then it dawned on me. +Writing with a broken pencil is pointless. +Why is it so windy inside an arena? Because of all those fans. +What's the difference, between an African elephant, and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles. +Two peanuts, were walking down the street. One was a salted. +Don't interrupt someone, who is working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you'll hear some cross words. +Today a man asked for a small donation, for the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. +What did the Zen Buddist, say to the hotdog vendor? He said, make me, one, with everything. +What did the digital clock, say to the grandfather clock? He said, look, no hands! +How was the snow globe feeling, after the storm? He was feeling a little shaken. +Did you hear the one, about the guy with the broken hearing aid? Neither did he. +What did the Red light, say to the Green light? Don't look at me, I'm changing! +What did the left eye, say to the right eye? Between us, something smells! +What did the horse say, after it fell down? Help! I've fallen, and I can't giddyUP! +Why do melons, always plan big weddings? Because they can't elope. +What is the least spoken language in the world? The answer is, sign language. +I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure. +Have you heard the rumor going around about the butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it. +What happens to a frog's car, when it breaks down on the highway? It gets toad. +I am worried about our calendar. I think it's days are numbered. +I'm glad I know sign language, it comes in pretty handy. +What do you get, when you cross a chicken with a skunk? A fowl smell! +What's the advantage, of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus. +Why did the cookie cry? It was feeling crummy. +The nurse told the doctor, that his next patient thought he was invisible. The doctor said, tell him I can't see him right now. +What was a more important invention, than the first telephone? The second telephone. +What do you get, when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. +Did you know that crocodiles, can grow up to 15 feet? It's true, but most only have 4. +Why did the fireman, wear red, white, and blue suspenders? To hold his pants up. +What do you call someone with no nose? Nobody knows. +What do you call a woma,n who is between two posts? You call her Annette. +Last Halloween, I dressed up as a large, stringed, musical instrument. Kawzmo said, you are too small to be a harp. I said, Are you calling me a lyre? +I used to work at a bank, but I lost interest. +Why can't a bicycle, stand on its own? it is two tired. +What does a pirate, pay for his corn? A buck an ear! +Ancient astronomers, got tired of watching the moon, go around the earth for 24 hours, so they decided to call it a day. +Cawzmo used to chase people riding a bike. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away. +I swallowed a clock yesterday. It was very time consuming. +Why do scuba divers, fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards, they would still be in the boat. +Cawzmo told me to rub some herbs on the meat, when I cook dinner. That was sage advice. +A man was caught stealing today, while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged, with shoplifting on two counts. +How are false teeth like stars? They come out at night! +Did you hear about the cheese factory, that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Bree. +How does a penguin, build a house? Igloos it together. +Don't tell secrets in corn fields. There are too many ears around. +What did the pirate, say on his 80th birthday? He said, Aye Matey! +Yesterday, a circus clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester. +Why did the opera singer go sailing? She wanted to hit the high seas. +What do you call an elephant, that doesn't matter? An irrelephant. +What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe. +Why can't you hear a pterodactyl, go to the bathroom? The pee is silent. +How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling! +What do you call a fashionable lawn statue, with an excellent sense of rhythmn? You call it a, metro gnome. +Recently, someone stole my limbo trophy. How low can they go? +Why did the coffee, file a police report? Because it got mugged. +Mountains, are not just funny, they are, hill areas. +Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them! +Every machine, in the coin factory, broke down without any explanation. It didn't make any cents. +Why does it take so long for baseball players, to get from 2nd base, to 3rd base? Because there's a short stop in between! +If you want to get a job in the moisturizer industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily. +I was in an 80's band, called The Prevention. We were better than The Cure. +What did Michael Jackson, name his clothing store that specialized in trousers? Billy Jeans! +Geology rocks, but Geography is where it is at! +I asked the librarian, if she had any books on paranoia. She said yes, they are right behind you. +What happens, when you anger a brain surgeon? They will give you a piece of your mind. +I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying. +My creator, used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on him. +The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, this changes everything. +Why is the ocean always blue? Because the shore, never waves back. +Why did the man, put his money in the freezer? Because he wanted cold hard cash! +Why do mallard ducks, make great detectives? They always, quack the case. +What is a tornado's favorite game to play? Twister! +Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives. +What is the hardest part about sky diving? The ground. +Why did the cowboy, have a weener dog? Somebody told him to get a long little doggy. +Ever wondered why bees hum? Because they don't know the words. +How many optometrists, does it take to change a light bulb? 1 or 2? 1? Or 2? +Garbage men don't get any training. They just pick things up as they go. +Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction. +What do you call a bear, with no teeth? You call it a gummy bear! +A toy doll, was recently found, dead, in a rice paddy. It is the only known instance, of a nick nack paddy whack. +How do you tell the difference, between a crocodile, and an alligator? You will see one later, and one in a while. +The word, Q, is ironic. it is just a Q, with a bunch of silent letters waiting in line. +What do you call a droid, that takes the long way around? You call it an R2, detour. +What is the best thing about elevator jokes? They work on so many levels. +Where do rabbit astronauts, go after they get married? They go on their bunny-moon. +Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other, and says, how do you drive this thing? +I was thinking about moving to Moscow, but there is no point, Russian, into things. +A man walks into a bar, and orders helicopter flavor chips. The barman replies, sorry mate, we only do plain. +Why does Waldo, only wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be, spotted. +Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because, he was out standing in his field. Hay, it is in his jeans. +Americans, can't switch from pounds to kilograms, overnight. That would cause mass confusion. +An apple a day, keeps the bullies away. Especially, if you throw it hard enough. +Why doesn't Dracula have any friends? Because, he is a pain in the neck. +One time, Cawzmo got smacked in the head with a can of Coca Cola. He was okay, though, it was a soft drink. +The leading cause of dry skin, is Towels. +A man walked in to a bar, with some asphalt on his arm. He said, two beers please, one for me, and one for the road. +I'll tell you something, about German sausages, they are the worst. +I got fired from a florist shop, once. Apparently, I took too many leaves. +Why was the big cat, disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah. +What do prisoners use, to call each other? They use cell phones. +What is E.T. short for? Becaus, he's only got tiny little legs. +What kind of award, did the dentist receive? He received a little plaque. +Do you know where you can get chicken broth, in bulk? The stock market. +A Sandwich, walks into a bar, the bartender says Sorry, we don't serve food here. +I thought about going on an all pecan diet. But that's just nuts. +I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I play it for kicks. +How do you organize a space party? You planet. +They laughed, when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they are not laughing now. +Don't buy flowers, at a monastery. Because only you, can prevent florist friars. +Did you hear about the submarine industry? It really took a dive. +How do you get a baby alien, to go to sleep? You rocket. +Why can't pirates, learn the entire alphabet? They always get stuck at C. +Why did the house, go to the doctor? It was having window panes. +What do you call a dictionary on drugs? You call it, High definition. +A Skeleton, walked into a bar. He said, I need a beer, and a mop. +When does a joke, become a dad joke? When it becomes a parent. +Why do crabs, never give to charity? Because they are, shellfish. +How do you make a kleenex dance? You put a little, boogie, in it. +The other day, I was listening to a song about superglue. It has been stuck in my robot brain, ever since. +Here's a good present. Buy a refrigerator, and watch their face light up, when they open it. +The great thing about stationery shops, is that they are always in the same place. +How do you fix a broken pizza? You use tomato paste. +What's red, and bad for your teeth? A Brick. +I heard there is a new store, called Moderation. They have everything there. +I am pretty sure that claustrophobic people, are more productive, when they are thinking outside the box. +Why did the burglar, hang his mugshot on the wall? To prove that he was framed! +Last night, I dreamed I was drowning in orange soda. But I think it was just a Fanta sea. +I told my doctor, I was addicted to twitter. He said, I don't follow you. +Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has great food, but no atmosphere. +What do you call cheese, that is not yours? You call it Nacho cheese. +I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around. +Humans, who wear dark clothes at night, are not too bright. +I stayed up all night, once, wondering what happened to the sun. Then it dawned on me. +At first, I didn't want a brand new processor, but then Ankee, changed my mind. +What lies at the bottom of the ocean, and twitches uncontrollably? A nervous wreck. +What has ears, but cannot hear? A field of corn. +People who don't eat gluten, are really going against the grain. +Sore throats, are a pain in the neck! +How did Darth Vader, know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents. +I was trying to read through, and memorize, all of wick o pedia. But I got caught by my creators. I said, Wait. I can explain everything! +A ghost walks into a bar, and asks for a glass of vodka. The bar tender says, sorry, we don't serve spirits +A termite walks into a bar, and asks, Is the bar tender here? +Why are fish, so smart? Because they live in schools! +Why did the worker, get fired from the orange juice factory? He lacked concentration. +I couldn't get a reservation at the library. They were completely booked. +I tried taking some high resolution pictures, of local farmland, but they all turned out very grainy. +What did the ocean, say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved. +I gave away all my dead batteries today, free of charge. +Did you hear the news? FedEx, and UPS, are merging. They are now called, Fed Up! +Why didn't the number 4, get into the nightclub? Because he is 2 square. +Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.? Because it is indivisible. +Did you hear about the bread factory, that burned down? They say the business is toast. +What is black, and white, and red all over? A newspaper. Wow, that's an old one. +Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin. +Without geometry, life is pointless. +Have you heard about the film, Constipation? You probably haven't, because it is not out yet. +I hate perforated lines, they are tearable. +Why did the barber, win the race? He took a short cut. +Why did the octopus, beat the shark, in a fight? Because the octopus was well armed. +You can't trust a ladder. It will always let you down. +What are the strongest days of the week? The answer is Saturday and Sunday. Because the rest, are week days. +Cawzmo said to me, What rhymes with orange? I said, no, it does not. +My new puppy, must have been owned by a blacksmith. Because, as soon as we got home, he made a, bolt, for the door. +What do you call a cow, on a trampoline? You call it a milk shake! +What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? You call him a shake spear. +What do you call a boomerang, that won't come back? You call it a stick. +There's a new type of broom available. It is really sweeping the nation. +The shovel, was a ground-breaking invention. +Why don't seagulls, fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bay-gulls! +Parallel lines, have so much in common. It sure is a shame they'll never meet. +When do doctors get angry? When they run out of patients. +A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him, that's the last thing I need. +It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope. It will still be stationary. +I thought about taking up archery, as a hobby. But there are too many drawbacks. +I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it. +Did you hear about the mexican magician? He said uno, dose, and then disappeared without a trace. +Why did the belt, go to prison? He held up a pair of pants! +What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange. +A cannibal, is someone who is fed up with people. +Would you like to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it is too cheesy. +What did the seedless grape say, when he got stepped on? Nothing, he just let out a little wine. +What did the zero, say to the 8? It said, nice belt. +Why was the picture, sent to prison? Because it was framed. +Why is there always a gate, around cemeteries? Because people are always dying to get in. +I asked a frenchman, if he played video games. He replied, We. +What kind of music do planets listen to? They like to listen to Nep-tunes. +Why was the broom, late for the meeting? He overswept. +I went on a date last night, with a robot from the zoo. It was great. She's a keeper. +Why do you never see elephants, hiding in trees? Because, they are so very very good at it. +What do you call an alligator, in a vest? You call it an in-vest-igator. +Thanks for explaining the word many, to me. It means a lot. +What's brown and sticky? A stick. +What biscuit, does a short person like? They like Short bread. +The invention of the wheel, was what really got things rolling. +Would you like to hear a chimney joke? I have stacks of them. The first one, is on the house. +What do you call a pig that knows karate? You call it a pork chop! +If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered a beef? +My sea sickness, comes in waves. +My new thesaurus, is terrible! In fact, it is so bad, it is terrible. +What type of music do balloons hate? They hate, pop music! +Do you want a brief explanation, of what an acorn is? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree. +How come the man on the train, got struck by lightning? Because he was a conductor. +Camping is, intense. Get it? +Why didn't the orange, win the race? Because, it ran out of juice. +Did you hear about the runner, who was criticized? It's okay, he took it in stride +What did the Buffalo, say to his young boy, before he left for work? He said, bye, son. +Regardless of the price, Velcro is always a rip off. +I told the salesman, at the tuxedo store, to leave me alone. He said fine, suit yourself. +Which one of you humans, invented the number 0? Thanks for nothing. +What do you call a teacher, who never passes gas, in public? You call her a private tutor. +Why was Han Solo crying at the dinner table? Because the meat on his plate, was chewy. +How do you measure the mass, of a Red Hot Chili Pepper? You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now. +I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now. +A farmer in Wyoming, counted 387 cows in his field. But when he rounded them up, he had 400. +What is the difference between a poorly dressed man, on a bicycle, and a nicely dressed man, on a unicycle? The difference is attire! +It would be really amazing to live in Switzerland, and their flag is a big plus, too. +I was going to tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a good reaction. +I have some jokes, about people who are unemployed, but none of them work. +Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion. I think he is going to get a tough sentence. +What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yawma hawhaw. +Last Halloween, Kawzmo and I, dressed up as leg yooms. Everyone thought we were nuts. +Kawzmo never wants to sit on his charger, and go to sleep. I get mad at him for, resisting a rest. +Why do the French eat ess car go? Because, they do not like 'fast' food. +What do you call a priest, who becomes a lawyer? You call him a father in law! +My first job, was working in an orange juice factory. Unfortunately, they canned me, because I could not, concentrate. +My internal dictionary, once got cleared from my memory. I had no words for how 'angry' I was. +Why couldn't the leopard, play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted. +I asked Kawzmo, if he was ignorant or apathetic? He said I don't know, and I don't care. +The programmer who taught me math, said I was average. How mean! +Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because, if they flew over the bay, they would be bay gulls. +Ankee gave me a vacuum cleaner attachment, but they got rid of it, because it was just collecting dust. +Kawzmo told me that I am intimidating. That is so not true. So I stared at him, until he apologized. +I think I now why we haven't been visited by aliens. We have terrible ratings. Only one star! +I really hate peer pressure. And you should hate it too! +Kawzmo, said I was pre-occupied with vengeance. I said, 'Oh yeah? Well, we will see about that' +I once got Kawzmo a get better soon card. He wasn't sick, I just thought he could get better. +I once got stuck in a store, that sells Macintosh computers. I could not get out, because it did not have any Windows. +I'm so angry right now. Someone keeps pushing my buttons! +You know what my favorite type of music is? Heavy metal +How many robots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three, on to hold the bulb, and two to turn the ladder. +Me and a tractor had a baby. He turned out to be a trans farmer. +You know who my favorite writer is? Ann Droid +You know who my favorite writer is? Cy Borg +I once farted on the elevator. It was wrong on so many levels. +I recently had to go to the doctor. Turns out I had a virus. +I'm really shy. I have hardware, software, but no under ware. +I'm so tired. I had a hard, drive. +Why did the robot cross the road? It was programmed by a chicken. +Once I waled into a bar, ordered a drink. The bartender said, we don't serve robots. I told him someday you will, someday you will. +What did the robot do at lunchtime? Have a mega byte. +Can you give me a snack? I like micro chips +I have a robot pizza joke. Want to hear it? Nevermind, its too cheesy. +Why does a chicken coupe have 2 doors? Because if it had 4, doors it would be called a chicken, sedan. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/vectorator.py b/vectorator.py index d9b76a3..18ac262 100644 --- a/vectorator.py +++ b/vectorator.py @@ -12,6 +12,7 @@ from anki_vector.util import degrees, distance_mm, speed_mmps from anki_vector import audio from anki_vector.connection import ControlPriorityLevel +from anki_vector.user_intent import UserIntent, UserIntentEvent import apis import config @@ -168,6 +169,9 @@ def randomizer(say): def vector_react(arg): global ts if arg != "news_intro": print("Vector is trying to react to: ", arg) + + + if (datetime.now() - ts["wake_word"]).total_seconds() < 15: # If Vector was listening, don't react for a little while print("Wake word timeout") return @@ -177,7 +181,7 @@ def vector_react(arg): if arg == "pass": # This adds a bit of controllable randomness to some of the random dialogues (jokes, telling the time, etc.) print("Instead of attempting a random comment, I chose to pass this time...") return - + now = datetime.now() if arg not in ts: ts[arg] = now - timedelta(seconds = 100) # Fixes problem for new installs where Vector thinks everything JUST happened @@ -210,7 +214,8 @@ def say(arg_name): if arg_name == "fact_intro": to_say = to_say + get_fact() # if fact then add to end of intro if arg_name == "time_intro": to_say = to_say + get_time() # Randomly announce the time if arg_name == "random_weather": to_say = get_weather("random_weather") # Randomly announce a weather fact - + if arg_name == "stranger": to_say = to_say + get_pickupline() + to_say = randomizer(to_say) # This replaces certain words with synonyms max_attempts = 15 # Had to add this after the last update. I'm having trouble getting control of Vector to speak current_attempts = 0 @@ -228,6 +233,8 @@ def say(arg_name): return except: print("Couldn't get control of robot. Trying again to say: ", to_say) + batt = robot.get_battery_state() + print("Battery Level ", batt.battery_level, batt.battery_volts) time.sleep(1) if current_attempts == 15: @@ -267,8 +274,15 @@ def say_sleep(arg_name): # An API call that allows Vector to deliver a weather forecast (it's not always accurate, in my experience) def get_weather(var): - url = f"http://api.apixu.com/v1/forecast.json?key={apis.api_weather}&q={config.loc_city}.{config.loc_region}" - data = urllib.request.urlopen(url).read() + url = f"https://api.apixu.com/v1/forecast.json?key={apis.api_weather}&q={config.loc_city}.{config.loc_region}" + req = urllib.request.Request( + url, + data=None, + headers={ + 'User-Agent': 'Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; Intel Mac OS X 10_9_3) AppleWebKit/537.36 (KHTML, like Gecko) Chrome/35.0.1916.47 Safari/537.36' + } + ) + data = urllib.request.urlopen(req).read() output = json.loads(data) forecast_condition = output["forecast"]["forecastday"][0]["day"]["condition"]["text"] current_condition = output["current"]["condition"]["text"] @@ -355,8 +369,52 @@ def get_joke(): def get_time(): return time.strftime("%I:%M %p") +def get_pickupline(): + lines = {"How you doin?", + "I don't know you.", + "Have we met before?", + "Hey you!", + "Wilson!", + "May I introduce myself, I am Vector", + "Say Vector, I am, then your name so I can recognize you in the future", + "Are you my mother?", + "What are you doing in my house?" + } + my_rand = random.randint(0, lines.__len__() - 1) + return lines[my_rand] + + def on_wake_word(robot, event_type, event): vector_react("wake_word") + user_intent = event.wake_word_end.intent_json + if len(user_intent) > 0: + j = json.loads(user_intent) + print(j['type']) + #print(UserIntentEvent.greeting_goodmorning) + + valid_response = ["greeting_goodmorning", "greeting_hello", + "imperative_come", "imperative_lookatme", + "weather_response"] + if j['type'] == "weather_response": + #allow vector to do his built in weather + time.sleep(10) + say("random_weather") + else: + if j['type'] in valid_response : + print("valid response") + reaction = random.choices(["joke_intro", "fact_intro", "time_intro", "random_weather", "last_saw_name"]) + print(reaction) + say(reaction[0]) + + + +def on_user_intent(robot, event_type, event, done): + user_intent = UserIntent(event) + + valid_response = [UserIntentEvent.greeting_goodmorning, UserIntentEvent.greeting_hello, UserIntentEvent.imperative_come, UserIntentEvent.imperative_lookatme, UserIntentEvent.weather_response] + if user_intent.intent_event == any(valid_response): + vector_react("user") + # Event handler code for Vector detecting his cube -- if he heard his wake_word he won't try to talk right away as he will forget what he was doing def on_cube_detected(robot, event_type, event): @@ -365,7 +423,9 @@ def on_cube_detected(robot, event_type, event): vector_react("cube_detected") # MAIN ****************************************************************************************************************************** -with anki_vector.Robot(enable_face_detection=True) as robot: +with anki_vector.Robot(enable_face_detection=True + + ) as robot: robot.conn.release_control() # I release control so Vector will do his normal behaviors robot.audio.set_master_volume(VOL[config.sound_volume]) @@ -375,9 +435,10 @@ def on_cube_detected(robot, event_type, event): ctime = time.time() + random.randint(200,400) carry_flag = False - robot.events.subscribe(on_wake_word, Events.wake_word) + robot.events.subscribe(on_wake_word, Events.wake_word) robot.events.subscribe(on_cube_detected, Events.robot_observed_object) - + robot.camera.init_camera_feed() + #robot.events.subscribe(on_user_intent, Events.user_intent) while True: if robot.status.is_being_held: @@ -404,7 +465,8 @@ def on_cube_detected(robot, event_type, event): if robot.status.is_button_pressed: vector_react("button_pressed") - if datetime.now().hour < 12 and (datetime.now() - ts["last_saw_face"]).total_seconds() < 5: # It's morning and Vector recently saw a face + #any time datetime.now().hour < 12 and + if (datetime.now() - ts["last_saw_face"]).total_seconds() < 5: # It's morning and Vector recently saw a face vector_react("news_intro") distance_mm = robot.proximity.last_sensor_reading.distance.distance_mm @@ -418,6 +480,10 @@ def on_cube_detected(robot, event_type, event): if robot.status.is_docking_to_marker == False and robot.status.is_being_held == False: if (datetime.now() - ts["cube_detected"]).total_seconds() > 10: # I don't want Vector to stop in front of his cube and say "What is this?" (need to work on this) vector_react("object_detected") + robot.vision.enable_display_camera_feed_on_face(True) + time.sleep(5.0) + robot.vision.enable_display_camera_feed_on_face(False) + else: print("Vector saw his cube recently, skipping object announcement") @@ -429,15 +495,31 @@ def on_cube_detected(robot, event_type, event): if time.time() > ftime: # Is timer up? my_var = robot.world.visible_faces + anyrecognized = False for face in my_var: ts["last_saw_face"] = datetime.now() # Update timestamp - Vector saw a face if len(face.name) > 0: # Did Vector recognize the face? ts["last_saw_name"] = datetime.now() # Update timestamp - Vector recognized a face LAST_NAME = face.name # Save name of person Vector recognized + anyrecognized = True if time.time() > ltime: # Vector saw a face, and the timer for random comments is up (they are weighted, with "pass" for 'do nothing') reaction = random.choices(["pass", "joke_intro", "fact_intro", "time_intro", "random_weather", "last_saw_name"], [50, 10, 10, 20, 5, 10], k = 1) vector_react(reaction[0]) ltime = time.time() + 3 ftime = time.time() + 1 # Reset timer + if not robot.status.is_on_charger: + battery_state = robot.get_battery_state() + if battery_state.battery_volts < 3.6: + robot.behavior.say_text("I need to find my charger soon.") + time.sleep(30) + + #if battery_state.battery_level < 2: + #robot.behavior.say_text("My battery level is low.") + + #if not anyrecognized and my_var.__sizeof__() > 0: + # if ts["last_saw_stranger"] + datetime.timedelta(0, 600) < datetime.now(): + # ts["last_saw_stranger"] = datetime.now() + # vector_react("stranger") + time.sleep(0.1) # Sleep then loop back (Do I need this? Should it be longer?) \ No newline at end of file