kbott feedback on whitepaper

[RhoBott]

Preface for all my copyediting: take or ignore as you see fit.

Intro

• italicize 'bagh' (it's not English)

Data

• First sentence - strike one "the system"
• "the second, is a system error" - strike comma
• "in the dataset, these messages..." <-- be explicit about what 'these' refers to
• "observations were individual messages, either ingoing or outgoing..." -- both? (v "either")

• figure 3

• try faceting, try dodging, try including the unincluded category (correct/correct). how do these figures compare here? (this is a visualization of 3/4 of a 2x2 combination of variables; we're not sure if this is the best way to convey your point. it might be. but try the others, too.)

• figure after figure three

• adjust title to be more descriptive -- it's not just the "users", it's breaking them into categories by frequency of use (or etc)
• I find the labeling a bit confusing. "used more than once / false" vs... "repeat messager" or "single message user" or "used once" / "used more than once" -- could just change the legend.
• "Looking at the ways...." I would recommend being clear that you are not referring to the above figure. There is no way that I get to the same conclusions you describe based on the image.
• Ibid -- when you say "small number of times" -- tell me what you mean by "small" and give me some #s to back it up. (Is this most people using it 2 times? 5 times? 12? are there trends or outliers you see in the desc stats?)

• general patterns in usage

• nope. "we looked at spatio-temporal usage" and then you talk about churn rates. Drop the "spatio-" and you'll be okay. OR show me a map and write up some related copy.
• last sentence under "churn rates" is unfinished.

general note - here "user" really means "phone number" -- no way to track people/phone ratio..

• ** add "figure" to all graphs. it's figure 3 and then anonymous figures....
• what do you think is behind the variability in churn rate? anything seasonal?
• speaking of seasons, you mention 'winter'. when is winter in mongolia, per your definition?

[ilheaton]

@RhoBott Thanks for the feedback! This is all really helpful - as has been your help the past few months.