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index.html
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<!DOCTYPE html>
<!--
hi everybody
clippy's brain is in the console panel! go there if u get stuck
click on the webpage to advance narrative and tooltips from clippy
-->
<html lang="en">
<head>
<meta charset="utf-8"/>
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1">
<title>theundernetunderthenettheundernettheundernetunderthenettheundernettheundernetunderthenettheundernettheundernetunderthenettheundernettheundernetunderthenettheundernettheundernetunderthenettheundernet_easteregg</title>
<style>
body {
cursor: default;
user-select: none;
}
.ascii-art {
font-size: 16px;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.text {
font-size: 16px;
font-family: monospace;
cursor: default;
}
.center {
position: relative;
transform: translate(50%, 0%);
}
.textAlignCenter {
text-align: center;
}
.right {
float: right;
}
.left {
float: left;
}
.hidden {
display: none;
}
.img {
display: block;
margin-left: auto;
margin-right: auto;
width: 40%;
}
.char {
font-size: 20px;
}
.top{
position: absolute;
top: 0%;
}
.bottom{
position:absolute;
bottom: 0%;
}
.centerX {
position: absolute;
left: 50%;
transform: translate(-50%, 0%);
}
#door {
position: absolute;
left: 42%;
top: 15%;
}
.righttt{
position:absolute;
right:0%;
}
#bed{
position:absolute;
bottom: -5%;
left: 3%;
}
#window{
position:absolute;
top: 13%;
right: 3%;
}
#clippyOld{
position:fixed;
left: 33%;
top: 35%;
}
form.grindrLogin {
display: table;
margin-left: 20px;
margin-top: 20px;
}
div.grindrLogin {
display: table-row;
}
label,
input {
display: table-cell;
margin-bottom:0px;
position:relative;
z-index: 999;
}
label {
padding-right:0px;
}
.old {
position: absolute;
bottom: 200px;
block-size: fit-content;
max-width: 1000px;
height: fit-content;
border: solid;
border-width: 1px;
text-overflow: inherit;
padding: 5px;
transform: translate(-50%, 0%);
}
.n1 {
font-size: 16px;
font-family: monospace;
}
.n2 {
font-size: 16px;
font-family: monospace;
}
.container {
position: absolute;
top: 105%;
width: 750px;
left: 50%;
transform: translate(-50%, 0%);
text-align: center;
}
.narItem {
cursor: default;
border:dotted 2px;
position: absolute;
width: 750px;
top:0px;
}
.bowBox {
width: 800px;
height: 508px;
position: absolute;
border: 0px dashed;
top: 5%;
left: 50%;
transform: translate(-50%, 0%);
}
.bow1{
position: absolute;
top: -54px;
left:-32px;
}
.bow2 {
position: absolute;
top: -54px;
left: 768px;
}
.bow3 {
position: absolute;
top: -48px;
left: 20px;
}
.bow4 {
position: absolute;
bottom:8px;
left: 20px;
}
.di1 {
position: absolute;
bottom: 320px;
right: 275px;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.di2 {
position: absolute;
bottom: 365px;
left: 10px;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.di3 {
position: absolute;
bottom: 365px;
left: 10px;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.di4 {
position: absolute;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.diIn {
position: absolute;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.di5 {
position: absolute;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.di6 {
position: absolute;
bottom: 365px;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.c1 {
position: absolute;
bottom: 365px;
left: 10px;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.c2 {
position: absolute;
bottom: 276px;
left: 50px;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.e1 {
position: absolute;
bottom: 350px;
right: 227px;
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
}
.eBed{
position:absolute;
bottom:246px;
left:201px;
}
.eBed2 {
position: absolute;
bottom: 246px;
left: 201px;
}
.bubble3 {
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
block-size: fit-content;
max-width: 800px;
height: fit-content;
position: absolute;
font-size: 12px;
line-height: 4px;
background: black;
border-radius: 15px;
padding: 12px;
text-align: center;
color: #000;
}
.bubble {
font-family: monospace;
white-space: pre;
block-size: fit-content;
max-width: 800px;
height: fit-content;
position: absolute;
font-size: 12px;
line-height: 4px;
background: #f3f3f3;
border-radius: 15px;
padding: 12px;
text-align: center;
color: #000;
}
.bubble-bottom-right:before {
content: "";
width: 0px;
height: 0px;
position: absolute;
border-right: 24px solid #f3f3f3;
border-left: 12px solid transparent;
border-top: 12px solid #f3f3f3;
border-bottom: 20px solid transparent;
right: 200px;
bottom: -24px;
}
.di2Tri:before {
content: "";
width: 0px;
height: 0px;
position: absolute;
border-right: 24px solid #f3f3f3;
border-left: 12px solid transparent;
border-top: 12px solid #f3f3f3;
border-bottom: 20px solid transparent;
left: 58px;
bottom: -24px;
}
.di2TriLights:before {
content: "";
width: 0px;
height: 0px;
position: absolute;
border-right: 24px solid #242424;
border-left: 12px solid transparent;
border-top: 12px solid #242424;
border-bottom: 20px solid transparent;
left: 58px;
bottom: -24px;
}
.e1Tri:before {
content: "";
width: 0px;
height: 0px;
position: absolute;
border-left: 24px solid #f3f3f3;
border-right: 12px solid transparent;
border-top: 12px solid #f3f3f3;
border-bottom: 20px solid transparent;
right: 32px;
bottom: -24px;
}
.e2Tri:before {
content: "";
width: 0px;
height: 0px;
position: absolute;
border-left: 24px solid #f3f3f3;
border-right: 12px solid transparent;
border-top: 12px solid #f3f3f3;
border-bottom: 20px solid transparent;
left: 36px;
bottom: -24px;
}
.e2TriLights:before {
content: "";
width: 0px;
height: 0px;
position: absolute;
border-left: 24px solid #242424;
border-right: 12px solid transparent;
border-top: 12px solid #242424;
border-bottom: 20px solid transparent;
right: 32px;
bottom: -24px;
}
.bubble-bottom-left:before {
content: "";
width: 0px;
height: 0px;
position: absolute;
border-left: 24px solid #f3f3f3;
border-right: 12px solid transparent;
border-top: 12px solid #f3f3f3;
border-bottom: 20px solid transparent;
left: 32px;
bottom: -24px;
}
.max{
position:absolute;
top: 5%;
}
.game-box {
width: 800px;
height: 522px;
padding:0;
position: absolute;
top: 5%;
left: 50%;
transform: translate(-50%, 0);
}
.noFrills{
margin: 0 auto;
padding: 0;
}
* {
box-sizing: border-box;
padding: 0;
margin: 0;
}
/*.rotateClippy{
transform: rotate(-90deg);
}*/
/*animations from https://unused-css.com/blog/css-shake-animation/ */
.strong-hover-shake{
animation: tilt-shaking 0.15s infinite;
}
.gentle-hover-shake{
animation: tilt-shaking 0.25s infinite;
}
/**/
.gentle-tilt-move-shake {
animation: tilt-n-move-shaking 0.25s infinite;
}
.clippySlow {
animation: clippyShaking 0.25s infinite;
}
.clippyFast {
animation: clippyShaking 0.15s infinite;
}
.constant-tilt-shake {
animation: tilt-shaking 0.3s infinite;
}
.vertical-shake {
animation: vertical-shaking 0.35s infinite;
}
.horizontal-shake {
animation: horizontal-shaking 0.35s infinite;
}
.rise-shake {
animation: jump-shaking 0.83s infinite;
}
.skew-shake-x {
animation: skew-x-shake 1.3s infinite;
}
.skew-shake-y {
animation: skew-y-shake 1.3s infinite;
}
@keyframes tilt-shaking {
0% {
transform: rotate(0deg);
}
25% {
transform: rotate(5deg);
}
50% {
transform: rotate(0deg);
}
75% {
transform: rotate(-5deg);
}
100% {
transform: rotate(0deg);
}
}
@keyframes tilt-n-move-shaking {
0% {
transform: translate(0, 0) rotate(0deg);
}
25% {
transform: translate(5px, 5px) rotate(5deg);
}
50% {
transform: translate(0, 0) rotate(0deg);
}
75% {
transform: translate(-5px, 5px) rotate(-5deg);
}
100% {
transform: translate(0, 0) rotate(0deg);
}
}
@keyframes clippyShaking {
0% {
transform: translate(0, 0) rotate(0deg);
}
25% {
transform: translate(5px, 5px) rotate(5deg);
}
50% {
transform: translate(0, 0) rotate(0deg);
}
75% {
transform: translate(-5px, 5px) rotate(-5deg);
}
100% {
transform: translate(0, 0) rotate(0deg);
}
}
@keyframes vertical-shaking {
0% {
transform: translateY(0)
}
25% {
transform: translateY(5px)
}
50% {
transform: translateY(-5px)
}
75% {
transform: translateY(5px)
}
100% {
transform: translateY(0)
}
}
@keyframes horizontal-shaking {
0% {
transform: translateX(0)
}
25% {
transform: translateX(3px)
}
50% {
transform: translateX(-3px)
}
75% {
transform: translateX(3px)
}
100% {
transform: translateX(0)
}
}
@keyframes jump-shaking {
0% {
transform: translateX(0)
}
25% {
transform: translateY(-9px)
}
35% {
transform: translateY(-9px) rotate(17deg)
}
55% {
transform: translateY(-9px) rotate(-17deg)
}
65% {
transform: translateY(-9px) rotate(17deg)
}
75% {
transform: translateY(-9px) rotate(-17deg)
}
100% {
transform: translateY(0) rotate(0)
}
}
@keyframes skew-x-shake {
0% {
transform: skewX(-15deg);
}
5% {
transform: skewX(15deg);
}
10% {
transform: skewX(-15deg);
}
15% {
transform: skewX(15deg);
}
20% {
transform: skewX(0deg);
}
100% {
transform: skewX(0deg);
}
}
@keyframes skew-y-shake {
0% {
transform: skewY(-15deg);
}
5% {
transform: skewY(15deg);
}
10% {
transform: skewY(-15deg);
}
15% {
transform: skewY(15deg);
}
20% {
transform: skewY(0deg);
}
100% {
transform: skewY(0deg);
}
}
#bicycle {
transform: scaleX(-1);
}
.sexClippy {
position: absolute;
left: 132px;
top: 119px;
transform: rotate(90deg) scaleY(-1);
}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<div id="game-elements" style="border:5px blue; height: 1000px; margin: 0 auto; padding: 0; display: flow-root">
<!-- grindr login for safekeeping below -->
<div name="grindrLogin" class="hidden">
username = [email protected]
password = seekingdom69
</div>
<div id="game-box" class="game-box">
<div id="bowAscii" class="ascii-art noFrills" style="position: absolute; top: -37.5px; left: -172px;">
(\o/)______________________________________________________________________________________(\o/)
(/|\) (/|\)
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(\o/)______________________________________________________________________________________(\o/)
(/|\) (/|\)
</div>
<div class="container">
<div class="n1 hidden narItem">it's 2021 and clippy hasn't seen anyone in weeks and it's not because of covid</div>
<div class="n1 hidden narItem">it's been 2 weeks 4 days and 3 hours and 2 minutes since microsoft announced her return after that frankly embarrassing twitter poll</div>
<div class="n1 hidden narItem">clippy's sad sighs can be heard from inside; no-one even realized they're not actually bringing HER back </div>
<div class="n1 hidden narItem"> there's simply no need for her anymore with all this new technology - they have a 'replacement', something more... slick</div>
<div class="n1 hidden narItem">"You may think Clippy was too persistent, too eager, perhaps even too polite", wrote microsoft, the words still echoing through her mind</div>
<div class="n1 hidden narItem">she wishes she could punch her "replacement", that - EMOJI📎 - in the dick</div>
<div class="n1 hidden narItem">clippy's so in her head she forgot turn off 'clippy's brain' - the module they installed in her when she was first cast in office all the way back when </div>
<div class="n1 hidden narItem">it's the part of her funcitoning that offers assisstance (somewhat insistently) </div>
<div class="n1 hidden narItem">in 2007 after 6 years of lying hopeful but dormant since her brutal exit from being on by default in 2001, she had finally admitted defeat and retired it and left the office for good</div>
<div class="n1 hidden narItem">but turned it on excitedly and prematurely when she saw the recent twitter post about her 'triumphant return'</div>
<div id="n2" class="n2 hidden naritem"></div>
</div>
<div id="door" class="ascii-art hidden">
CLIPPET'S HOUSE
STAY OUT
______
,-' ; ! `-.
/ : ! : . \
|_ ; __: ; |
)| . :)(. ! |
|" (##) _ |
| : ;`' (_) (
| : : . |
)_ ! , ; ; |
|| . . : : |
|" . | : . |
|01010.----.___|
</div>
<div id="net2" class="ascii-art hidden" style="margin:0 auto; position:absolute; top: 8%;left: 32%;">
________
| __ |
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|___WW___|
WW
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P R E S S ||____F 1 2_____
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</div>
<div id="clippy" class="rotateClippy ascii-art noFrills hidden" style="position: absolute; top:202px; left: 263px">
_____
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( ) ( )
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</div>
<div id="pupilLeft" class="ascii-art noFrills hidden" style="position: absolute; left: 306px; top: 259px">•</div>
<div id="pupilRight" class="ascii-art noFrills hidden" style="position: absolute; left: 359.5px; top: 259px">•</div>
<div class="text hidden di1 bubble bubble-bottom-right">
idk how u got in here but can u help me with something
</div>
<div class="text hidden di1 bubble bubble-bottom-right">
ok cool cool i'll take that as a yes
</div>
<div class="text hidden di1 bubble bubble-bottom-right">
there's a dildo under my bed can u get it for me
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2 di2Tri bubble">
something doesn't feel quite right...
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2 di2Tri bubble ">
yeah this isn't doing it for me
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2 di2Tri bubble">
i'm so sick of making all the decisions around here
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2 di2Tri bubble ">
i just want someone to tell me what to do
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di2 bubble ">
i need a dom.. maybe u can help me access my old grindr account...
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di2 bubble">
i left the login details somewhere around here...
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di3 bubble bubble-bottom-right">i guess you being here wasn't entirely useless even if unprecented and kinda weird</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di3 bubble bubble-bottom-right">back to the hell that is grindr i guess</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di3 bubble bubble-bottom-right">oh my profile's hitting off</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di3 bubble bubble-bottom-right">i guess im fresh meat</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di3 bubble bubble-bottom-right">let's see: this one's a top and keen for rn</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di3 bubble bubble-bottom-right">seems like a bit of a nerd their name is internet explorer</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di3 bubble bubble-bottom-right">whatever they're only 1 hyperlink away and dtf-- </div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di3 bubble bubble-bottom-right">damn that was fast eager much can u let them in</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di3 bubble bubble-bottom-right">ur the one who knows how to unlock the door somehow</div>
<div class="text hidden di4 e1 bubble e1Tri">
hey clippy how's it hanging</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri bubble di4 c1 ">
yo what the fuck is this u a delivery boy or something
</div>
<div class="text hidden di4 e1 bubble e1Tri">
na i'm an angel and this is my ebike</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri bubble di4 c1 ">
oh.. i guess that's how u got here so fast
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri bubble di4 c1 ">
i can't keep up with all this new technology
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri bubble di4 c1 ">
it's a bit of a sore point at the moment
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di4 c1 bubble ">
no one wants an old paperclip anymore
</div>
<div class="text hidden d di4 e1 bubble e1Tri ">
at least u didn't get replaced by 'edge'
</div>
<div class="text hidden di4 e1 bubble e1Tri">
it's so on the nose
</div>
<div class="text hidden di4 e1 bubble e1Tri ">
speaking of.. u wana get to it?
</div>
<div class="text hidden di4 e1 bubble e1Tri">
our plan is finally coming togeth-
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di4 c1 bubble ">
wait! let's set the mood to something a little more romantic
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di4 c1 bubble ">
our little voyeur over here is proving quite useful
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di4 c1 bubble ">
go fetch us some uh... chocolate-covered strawberries
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di4 c1 bubble ">
pretty sure i left them with the cookies
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri diIn c1 bubble ">
... ...
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri diIn c1 bubble ">
ok now that they're gone, why dont u come a little closer mon cheri
</div>
<div class="text hidden diIn e1 eBed bubble e2Tri">
don't mind if i do i've missed u.. and our schemes
</div>
<div class="text hidden diIn e1 eBed bubble e2Tri">
i was worried you'd lost interest
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri diIn c1 bubble ">
lost interest?! it's literally all i think about
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri diIn c1 bubble ">
i just didn't want to say anything in front of the lurker
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri diIn c1 bubble ">
i just sent them on that ridiculous strawberry quest to get them out of here
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri diIn c1 bubble ">
no idea where they came from but i pretended to meet u on grindr rn to throw them off
</div>
<div class="text hidden diIn e1 eBed bubble e2Tri">
we DID meet on grindr
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri diIn c1 bubble ">
yes i knooow but they think we're strangers
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri diIn c1 bubble ">
i was just using them to get u in
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri diIn c1 bubble ">
u shouldve seen me i orchestrated everything perfectly they have NO idea
</div>
<div class="text hidden di5 e1 eBed e2Tri bubble ">
..woah that's a lot of strawberries
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di5 c1 bubble ">
ok yeah idk if this is exactly what i was imagining
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di5 c1 bubble ">
ok voyeur, how about u get rid of the fluorescent lights
</div>
<div class="text hidden di2Tri di5 c1 bubble ">
and maybe urself while ur at it
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 c2 bubble3">
*moaaans*
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 eBed2 bubble3 ">
that feels soooo good
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 c2 bubble3">
u make me feel... something else
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 eBed2 bubble3 ">
no one touches me like u do
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 c2 bubble3 ">
u make me feel incredible
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 eBed2 bubble3 ">
ur mind is incredible it's such a turn on
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 c2 bubble3 ">
*gasps*
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 c2 bubble3">
*splutters* wait IE i - *gasps*
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 c2 bubble3 ">
*moans* the voy- *gasps*
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 eBed2 bubble3 ">
i think our plot to overthrow microso--
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 c2 bubble3">
*screams* omg u never were good at privacy IE
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 eBed2 bubble3">
*wails* i don't caaar--'
</div>
<div class="text hidden di6 c2 bubble3">
as for u creepy voyeur, it's time to leave
</div>