insultgenerator.js

/*
	
	11/12/14
	Based on: 
		- http://web.mit.edu/dryfoo/Funny-pages/shakespeare-insult-kit.html
		- http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/shake_rule.html
*/

var COLUMN_1 = [
    "artless",
    "bawdy",
    "beslubbering",
    "bootless",
    "churlish",
    "cockered",
    "clouted",
    "craven",
    "currish",
    "dankish",
    "dissembling",
    "droning",
    "errant",
    "fawning",
    "fobbing",
    "froward",
    "frothy",
    "gleeking",
    "goatish",
    "gorbellied",
    "impertinent",
    "infectious",
    "jarring",
    "loggerheaded",
    "lumpish",
    "mammering",
    "mangled",
    "mewling",
    "paunchy",
    "pribbling",
    "puking",
    "puny",
    "qualling",
    "rank",
    "reeky",
    "roguish",
    "ruttish",
    "saucy",
    "spleeny",
    "spongy",
    "surly",
    "tottering",
    "unmuzzled",
    "vain",
    "venomed",
    "villainous",
    "warped",
    "wayward",
    "weedy",
    "yeasty",
    "cullionly",
    "fusty",
    "caluminous",
    "wimpled",
    "burly-boned",
    "misbegotten",
    "odiferous",
    "poisonous",
    "fishified",
    "wart-necked",
    "pigeon-liver'd",
];

var COLUMN_2 = [
    "base-court",
    "bat-fowling",
    "beef-witted",
    "beetle-headed",
    "boil-brained",
    "clapper-clawed",
    "clay-brained",
    "common-kissing",
    "crook-pated",
    "dismal-dreaming",
    "dizzy-eyed",
    "doghearted",
    "dread-bolted",
    "earth-vexing",
    "elf-skinned",
    "fat-kidneyed",
    "fen-sucked",
    "flap-mouthed",
    "fly-bitten",
    "folly-fallen",
    "fool-born",
    "full-gorged",
    "guts-griping",
    "half-faced",
    "hasty-witted",
    "hedge-born",
    "hell-hated",
    "idle-headed",
    "ill-breeding",
    "ill-nurtured",
    "knotty-pated",
    "milk-livered",
    "motley-minded",
    "onion-eyed",
    "plume-plucked",
    "pottle-deep",
    "pox-marked",
    "reeling-ripe",
    "rough-hewn",
    "rude-growing",
    "rump-fed",
    "shard-borne",
    "sheep-biting",
    "spur-galled",
    "swag-bellied",
    "tardy-gaited",
    "tickle-brained",
    "toad-spotted",
    "unchin-snouted",
    "weather-bitten",
    "whoreson",
    "malmsey-nosed",
    "rampallian",
    "lily-livered",
    "scurvy-valiant",
    "brazen-faced",
    "unwash'd",
    "bunch-back'd",
    "leaden-footed",
    "muddy-mettled",
    "scale-sided",
];

var COLUMN_3 = [
    "apple-john",
    "baggage",
    "barnacle",
    "bladder",
    "boar-pig",
    "bugbear",
    "bum-bailey",
    "canker-blossom",
    "clack-dish",
    "clotpole",
    "coxcomb",
    "codpiece",
    "death-token",
    "dewberry",
    "flap-dragon",
    "flax-wench",
    "flirt-gill",
    "foot-licker",
    "fustilarian",
    "giglet",
    "gudgeon",
    "haggard",
    "harpy",
    "hedge-pig",
    "horn-beast",
    "hugger-mugger",
    "joithead",
    "lewdster",
    "lout",
    "maggot-pie",
    "malt-worm",
    "mammet",
    "measle",
    "minnow",
    "miscreant",
    "moldwarp",
    "mumble-news",
    "nut-hook",
    "pigeon-egg",
    "pignut",
    "puttock",
    "pumpion",
    "ratsbane",
    "scut",
    "skainsmate",
    "strumpet",
    "varlot",
    "vassal",
    "whey-face",
    "wagtail",
    "knave",
    "blind-worm",
    "popinjay",
    "scullian",
    "jolt-head",
    "malcontent",
    "devil-monk",
    "toad",
    "rascal",
    "basket-cockle",
];

function column1() {
	return _.sample(COLUMN_1);
}

function column2() {
	return _.sample(COLUMN_2);
}

function column3() {
	return _.sample(COLUMN_3);
}

function generateInsult() {
	return "Thou " + column1() + " " + column2() + " " + column3();
}