chuck_norris.txt

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And Dies.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.