revised clown act #15
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Some minor revisions to word choice and grammar. (some grammar errors were left to give an informal way of speaking feel. See inline comment.
JJ
requested changes
Apr 3, 2017
| know that my purpose in life was not to live in and by the circus, | ||
| just to get something out of it. | ||
| know that my purpose in life was not to live in and around the circus, | ||
| instead it was just to get something from it. |
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"instead it was" is a bit formal. Also "live by" is like "living by an ideal". Kind of intended.
| didn't deserve it, but one thing is thinking that somebody deserves | ||
| what comes his way and another wanting him to be done in front of | ||
| what comes his way and another is wanting him to be done in front of | ||
| you. |
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There was probably something wrong with the sentence, but adding "is"... I don't like it.
| running. | ||
| frightened them and we couldn't make them walk back /* the smell was just mentioned */ | ||
| again. So we tied them to some thick branches of a bush and took from | ||
| there by feet, half running. |
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I don't think repeating things is so wrong, but I am ready to admit otherwise. Also, why not bush stalks?
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| "Oh my oh my oh my, my guests are on fire" said Clippo, the Auguste. | ||
| "Oh my, oh my, oh my, my guests are on fire" said Clippo, the Auguste. | ||
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| @@ -1521,7 +1521,7 @@ what seemed now just a pile of ashes of a man. | |||
| This went on for a while, and the rest of us that had arrived later on | |||
| horseback couldn't do anything but look. Eventually Ted produced a | |||
| gun with a barrel as long as his leg and shot one of them, the one who still | |||
| was whimpering and moving, in the head. | |||
| was whimpering and writhing, in the head. | |||
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Some minor revisions to word choice and grammar. (some grammar errors were left to give an informal way of speaking feel. See inline comment.